Normally I only write about exchanging gifts around the holiday season because then it really is a hot topic, but I came upon several experiences this week that made me think about the whole concept again.
Just ask yourself:
How often do you stress out when you have to buy somebody a gift?
How often do you stress out when you have to open a present and you’re fearing you won’t like it, and then will have to pretend you’re very grateful?
I think if we’re being really honest with ourselves… most of the times.
That is why I really believe in reviewing the whole present-giving culture.
First of all, we’ve become slaves to the marketeers:
if we do not give our loved-ones presents, we don’t love them….
If we don’t buy them expensive presents, we don’t love them very much….
Secondly: “Comparison is the death of Joy” Mark Twain
How often do we compare what we give to what we receive…? Mmmm, guilty…
And then, I also think with life getting more and more expensive, it’s becoming truly impossible for lots of people, to keep up with the ‘present-giving’ culture.
Another important issue is, if you’re trying to keep up with a simplifying, minimalistic lifestyle, it’s plain madness to have to buy and receive so many presents. For so many reasons!
Lots of the presents are forgotten about within the month (if that long).
Millions and millions worth of gift vouchers are never exchanged… imagine how many people you could feed with that kind of money…
Many gifts are kept out of guilt. You can’t throw or give away something you got from a friend or a relative, right? Euh… yes you can*. If you do not use it, like it, want it, get rid of it! Just live by the mantra: it’s been given with love, I received it with love and now I give it a second life with love. Why hold on to something you do not want? You are allowed to decide what you want to keep in your life/house, and what not. Our houses get filled up with things other people bought for us, this is kind of crazy, no? Knowing how much of an energy drainer, stuff can be, I say, get it out of the house.
That is why I advocate, only keep what you love. Make your house as minimalistic as possible. You’ll appreciate what is there, so much more, if you can actually see it. As long as your house is full, as long as stuff is drowned by more stuff, you don’t even see what’s there anymore, let alone appreciate it. This is always the moment where I think about the story of Courtney**. She and her husband kept three vases on a cabinet because it had been a wedding gift, and they thought they couldn’t get rid of them. For three months, she had taken them out of sight. Then one day, she replaced them. That night, she said to her husband, I think I will get rid of those vases. He said: ”No, I like those!“ She asked, had you noticed they had been gone for 3 months? …. He hadn’t. We think we see stuff, we think it will feel empty without it, but in truth, we don’t notice it anymore. All is does, is eating away our energy. This is of course another topic*, but I wanted to hint at it, because most of the time, people think they can’t get rid of things because they believe they are attached to it, but in reality, they aren’t. And exchanging presents contributes hugely to clutter in our houses.
Then of course, I already hear you asking:
“Can’t we ‘give’ anything anymore?”
Of course, you can, if you want to, and if it’s not just initiated by social pressure.
I just want to make the issue more open for discussion, more open to look at the whole ‘present giving’ culture from a different angle.
If everyone could become very creative with how one wants to show one likes and appreciates someone, a lot of pressure would be taken away. And I think we already have enough pressure to deal with, don’t you?
Let’s think about other possible ‘gifts’: what about:
Going for a walk together.
Inviting someone over for a home-cooked meal.
Planning to do some chores together. Crazy? I don’t believe so. If you have something you really can’t do all by yourself, or something you keep on postponing, why wouldn’t you agree to help each other out and make it a fun thing?
Donating to a cause the person you want to give something to, is really passionate about.
Enrolling in a course together, then you have so much fun and time you will be spending together.
Making a commitment to call the person more often.
The list is endless. You can be as creative as you like.
The main goal of giving a person a gift, is showing them, you appreciate them, and what better way to show appreciation, than to make time for one another?
I believe these are way better gifts if you want to show love, than buying them a gift at socially-obliged times of the year.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t buy someone flowers anymore, or that you can’t contribute when someone wants to buy something, but needs a little support. That is something different: flowers are only temporary in the house, and do not add to the lasting clutter in a house. Helping someone buying something they need, is not adding to the clutter.
All I want is, to invite you all to think about it for a moment:
If you want to show appreciation, make sure it is in a way that the person receiving your ‘gift’ really loves what you’re giving them.
Make sure it’s not about you, but about them.
Make sure it truly is a loving gift.
Thank you all for reading me, and for supporting me on Medium. If you want unlimited access to all of my articles, and of many other authors, you can become a Medium Member. You’ll be supporting me and all the other authors. Many, many thanks to you all!!!
Katrien
*”Less is Yes!” by Katrien Degraeve.
**”Be more with less”, “The Simplicity Space” by Courtney Carver.