I often like to start my blogs with a quote, a question or a statement: here’s the one for this week.
“Life will always challenge you in order to bring you
from rigidity to flexibility,
from controlling to allowing.” Panache Desai.
We all have plans, we all have goals we want to achieve, we all have dreams,
But nobody is sure of how and when we will get there.
A while back it was a virus that dictated us to let go of knowing exactly what was coming and how we would be able to get through this whole situation.
Now it’s a war that is shaking all of the certainties in life. There will always be something going on in the world that makes us feel uncertain of the outcome, something that makes us feel out of control, not certain how we will move forward. Instead of always feeling this anxiety of not knowing the exact outcome, what if we could learn this not knowing-and-being-okay-with-not-knowing to be our standard MO?
I would like to ask you to really consider this way of looking at life and to start living that way. Because that’s what life is really all about.
We have dreams, plans, projects,
but if we hold on to them with clenched fists,
all that can happen is disappointment.
Nothing ever works out exactly the way we wanted it to.
Knowing the general direction of the path you would like to walk in life, is enough.
Then just watch, enjoy, see what comes along that path.
If you are open to change, to unexpected challenges, you’ll feel less disappointed, less hurt, less lost. Because let’s face it:
When are we feeling unhappy?
When people do not act in a way we thought/wanted them to act.
When things don’t work out the way we envisioned them to work out.
When we suddenly have to change our plans because of something ‘outside of our control’.
The moment you learn to be flexible, to expect the unexpected, to allow life to happen to you, that’s when you are really living/ enjoying your life.
Control is an illusion.
Control is just another form of fear: fear that we won’t be able to handle anything we did not plan, fear that another outcome won’t be ‘as good’.
Control is just your ego talking: “My way or the highway”.
Control is shutting yourself off from greater opportunities, from learning, from growing.
I like this little joke which I think is so true:
“If you want to make God laugh, tell Her your plans” or Him 🙂 sorry I couldn’t resist 🙂
That really is what happens all the time, right?
You were planning to do this and, oh yes, ‘something’ came up and you had to change your plans.
Like I said, we’ve had COVID, we have wars going on, we have an energy crisis, …
But it needn’t always be this huge.
Just think about it: how many times in life have you already needed to adapt, to change your plans?
The day we accept, this is how things work, we are not bothered by it anymore.
We then know, life is always asking us to be flexible, asking us to adjust to new circumstances.
Life is change,
Change is life.
Nothing lasts, everything is always changing, everything is in constant movement.
So are we, not one cell in our body is still the same as 10 years ago: everything is constantly changing, always evolving.
It is absurd to hold on too tightly,
it just isn’t possible to keep things from changing.
Once you know and accept this, life becomes a smoother ride.
Allow things to happen,
go with the flow.
As one of my biggest examples in life, Dr. Susan Jeffers*, says:
“Do the best you can at any moment but let go of the outcome”.
One of her own examples, is a very simple but a very clear example of how letting go can help us:
“She was always very afraid of flying and every time it was a bumpy flight, she would squeeze the armrests, try to steer that whole plane with those armrests and try to keep it steady. Until the moment she realized how absurd this was. She was exhausted from squeezing and trying to keep the plane from bouncing. She was afraid and she felt she failed because the plane was still bumping all over the place no matter how hard she tried. The only result she got was even more anxiety. So, once she realized the absurdity of what she was trying to do, she had a good laugh and decided from now on: to let the plane fly its course, to trust the pilots and to just relax in her seat and wait until the storm had passed”
If you project this to any other situation, you’ll notice how letting go, enables you to relax.
Whenever life gets tough, whenever plans need to be changed:
look at what you can do and where you just need to sit back and let things just be.
Being flexible and allowing life to be, are key elements of living a happier, more relaxed, more satisfying life.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Know what you want in life but be flexible about how you are going to achieve it.
Let go of the one defined outcome you have in your head, let go of the one planned itinerary and just see where life brings you.
Enjoy the unexpected.
Anne Maree Rowley** says in one of her guided meditations:
“Courage is accepting the challenge of the unknown”,
Learn to see the benefits in all the challenges you meet.
I know sometimes you don’t see it right away, but there is a positive side to everything.
It’s a given in nature: everything has a positive and a negative pole, that’s the law of polarity***. There is no positive without a negative, there is no good without bad, there are always 2 poles in everything. We, humans, don’t always believe this as we don’t always see it, but it’s there. It’s with our mental muscle**** perception, which I have talked about in many of my articles and also in my book ‘Less is Yes!’, that we can consciously choose how we look at a situation. We actively choose to look at the negative pole of something or at the positive pole. It’s something you need to train your mind to do, as we tend to immediately see the bad, the negative, … We have the choice: look at the good or look at the bad of a situation.
Take a step back, breathe, look for the positive, do what is in your power and let go of anything else.
It’s in this place of non-ego, of non-emotional state you’ll be able to see more clearly.
You can’t change the waves but you can learn how to surf them! And yes, you’ll fall down more times than you can count, but you’ll get the hang of it eventually. And wow, what a ride when you do!!!
Thank you all for reading me and enjoy life with all its quirks! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles on Medium and of many other authors, you can become a Medium Member by clicking on this link https://lifecoachwomen.com/membership and you’ll be supporting me directly (and all the other authors indirectly). Many, many thanks to you all!!!
Katrien
*” End the Struggle, and Dance with Life.” By Susan Jeffers PhD.
**” Courage” a guided meditation by Anne Maree Rowley on Insight Timer.
***” 11 Laws of Creation” by Inge Rock of the Coaching and Mind academy.
****” Our 6 mental muscles” by Bob Proctor.