“Stress is not caused by external circumstances, but rather by internal ideas.” Alex Mather.
I read this author a lot, and I agree with what he is saying here. Stress is caused by internal ideas….
Hmmm, I don’t know if you dare say this to someone who is completely stressing out…
But you can start by telling yourself this, the next time you’re flying off again because of all the stress that is raging through your body.
Yes, it appears to be caused by external circumstances but, if we take a closer look at how we feel and when we feel this way, we might come to the conclusion that he is right, it’s all about our internal ideas.
We let external issues get to us because of how we think about ourselves, and about how others might think about us if we do not perform as asked, or as we believe people ask from us.
I write a lot about how our mind works, and about how we can steer our thoughts, about how we can let go of false beliefs, and here too is the perfect example of how what we believe is true, is the source of us feeling so stressed out. Change your beliefs and you’ll see your stress disappearing like snow in the sun. Here are some examples:
False belief: We are what we accomplish.
Result: we stress when we do not accomplish enough. When is it enough? Enough to us, as in feeling we have accomplished enough? Enough to others?
False belief: We have to be who people expect us to be.
Result: we stress because we cannot be ourselves. We act a certain way in order to fit in. But we’ll never belong, as long as we have to act a certain way to fit in. As long as we don’t belong, just because of who we are, we will always feel stress because we have to act all the time.
False belief: people will not love us anymore when we say no.
Result: we say yes to all and everything, and that leaves us being completely depleted. We are worn out, we are tired, we feel frustrated and this is stressful.
False belief: we are not enough.
Result: we are always trying to do more, to be more, … We completely forget about self-care, about self-love. We ignore our needs trying to be as ‘serving’ to others as possible. But this ends in feeling completely empty, completely worn out, because we forget to fill our own cup. And as the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You are enough. You are entitled to ‘fill your own cup’. The sad thing is, that after you’ve done all and more, to please others, the moment you collapse because you are completely empty, they don’t thank you for having given ‘your all’. People who do not like you because you do not say yes to every demand they have, are people who take advantage of you. People who like you, don’t have those demands. They just like you for who you are. So, please help yourself as much as you help others. It’s the only way you will be able to continue to do what you love to do. Know that it’s you, who believes you have to do more in order to be liked. Guess what, it’s not what they expect from you.
False belief: I am what I have.
Result: stress to accomplish more and more and more. When do you own enough to feel successful, to feel accomplished, to feel worthy? Retreat in silence to find out who you are, deep down, who your inner person is. Once you know who you are, you’ll know why you came here on Earth for. Once you find your purpose, you’ll realize it has nothing to do with what you own. It’s about who you are to yourself and to others. It’s about how much love and kindness you radiate. That will make you feel rich, that will give you all you need. Because the more you radiate love and kindness, the more love and kindness you will experience. And that is ultimately what everyone is looking for, that is the only thing that will make, and keep, you happy.
When you take a closer look at all the moments you feel stress, you’ll notice that it is always about how you think in, and about, that particular situation.
The moment you can steer your thoughts towards
faith in who you are,
trust that you are enough,
knowing all will be okay,
you feel the stress ebbing away.
You’ll feel a calm coming over you because you know you can handle this.
It has nothing to do with your worth.
You are enough.
You do the best you can, and that is all you need to do.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Whenever you feel the stress bubbling up, or erupting like a volcano…, stop your negative, disaster-seeing/creating thoughts.
Breathe in and out for 1 minute.
Assess the situation: no immediate life threat? No imminent disaster you need to steer away from? Okay, all will be okay. Have faith.
Let go of all your thoughts and emotions about the situation and calmly do what you can in this particular moment. That’s all you can do for now. No amount of worrying will change the situation, nor will affect the future outcome.
Make a plan, take action where needed and where you can.
Ask for help whenever you need to.
Trust that all will work out.
When you know that 90% of all we have been stressing about, was not worth stressing about, we can let go of it right now. Knowing, we can’t even remember what we were stressing about this very moment last week, last month, last year… you know it’s not worth giving up your peace for. And even if we can remember, we know now, that we didn’t have to have stressed that much, or that it did absolutely nothing to improve the situation.
Have faith.
Believe that all will be okay in the end.
We don’t know, and don’t need to know exactly, how things will evolve.
Be you, live as you.
Be as loving as possible.
Think about what you want to see happening, and do what you can to walk that path.
The rest is up to God, up to the Universe, up to whatever you believe in.
The more you have faith, the more you will feel supported, and the less you will stress.
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Katrien