Christmas is coming up and here we go again: gifts, decorations, family gatherings, …
Do you already feel the pressure rising?
Do you feel obligated to follow the “holiday traditions”?
Do you feel free to choose how you will spend Christmas, New Year’s Eve, or not at all?
Do you feel you can be yourself, or do you feel you have to follow what is expected of you?
Christmas can be nice and cozy, I know.
There is no harm in decorating, in having Christmas dinners, in exchanging presents, …as long as YOU feel good about it.
As long as you feel, you can do what YOU like, and that you are not obligated to follow the crowd.
Give yourself the space to listen to your own voice, your own heart.
Too many people listen to the noise of the world, and get lost in it.
Of course, I am not only talking about Christmas decorations, I am talking about everything in life.
Growing up, we were told over and over again, that we should try to fit in, that we should not stand out, that we need to make ourselves blend in in society as much as we can. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
I absolutely love what Brené Brown* says about this:
“When you’re trying to FIT IN, it means that you need to change yourself to look more like the others.
But when you BELONG, you don’t need to change yourself, because you already are like the others.”
This difference is of vital importance. It’s either feeling alone, or feeling good.
As long as you have to try to fit in, you’ll never belong.
So, I invite you to, first of all find your quiet place**.
Practice this simple ritual every day: sit for 5’ minutes, or longer, with your hands on your heart, and listen. Be quiet enough to hear what your heart is telling you.
Listen to your own needs, to your own desires, to your own dreams, and decide how you want to live your life.
Engage with likeminded people, and you’ll feel the stress, the need to be someone else, disappear like snowflakes before the sun. And yes, maybe you can’t be around likeminded people all the time, but when you make your personal goals (real friends, hobbies, personal growth, health, silence…) as important as any other goals in life, achieving balance, finding happiness, is a natural result. And isn’t that what we are all striving for?
Balance, harmony, peace, quietness, happiness.
Once you live what feels good, your crowd will appear naturally.
Of course, there will always be emergencies, there will always be setbacks, challenges, there will always be times when things are a bit too busy. But as long as you make your personal goals as important as your professional ones, you’ll always find yourself arriving in calmer waters again.
My invitation to you all is:
Write down your personal goals in life.
Make a list.
Write down all that is important to you from small, seemingly unimportant ones, to huge, ‘necessary-to-be-you’ ones.
Start today.
Ask yourself:
What is really important to me?
What do I need to do, in order to feel that I am living my own life?
What do I need, to feel that I can be who I really am?
What did I come here on earth for?
Then write all the answers down.
This can be about anything, big and small: about how you spend your weekends, about how you spend the holidays, about what you eat, about your hobbies, about your job, about how you organize your life… about anything. Just make sure you feel the difference between what the ‘real you’ needs, and what you do, trying to fit in.
Stop trying to fit in
and start belonging.
It’s amazing how, once you start doing things from the heart, being around likeminded people, ‘suddenly’ all seems ‘to fall into place’.
Why am I talking about this now?
Because I always feel that the Holiday Season is the season, where everyone feels pressured into doing things they don’t really enjoy, things that drain them of all energy.
People feel they need to buy gifts, people feel they need to throw big festive dinner parties, people feel they need to dress in fancy clothes. And again, if that is what you really like, by all means do it.
But when I listen and look around me, all I hear is complaining about all the things people are supposed to do and not liking it.
Gifts*** are most of the time unwanted, useless, and too expensive. So why do we keep buying them?
Dinner parties are most of the times too copious, too loud and people feel exhausted afterwards, their bodies protesting vigorously.
So why do we keep doing this to our body?
We get annoyed and irritated when ‘funny’ remarks are made by people we don’t really get along with but are obligated to sit next to during these family gatherings.
So, why keep doing this?
I think a lot of you know exactly what I mean.
I really wish for you to celebrate this season the way you would like to celebrate it.
Be courageous and talk about it with your family and friends. Maybe they all feel the same, and are relieved that finally someone brought it up.
Talk about the gift buying***, change this habit into something that you enjoy, by either not buying anything anymore, or by making the present an activity, or whatever makes you happy.
Say no to dinner parties you know you will feel bad about afterwards.
Invite real friends over.
Cook light, healthy meals.
Don’t feel obligated to drink alcohol.
Stay home by the fire, if that is what makes you feel happy.
Go outside for a walk instead of sitting at a table for hours.
Fill your holidays with whatever makes you feel energized, warm, and peaceful.
The more you live your life this way, the more other people will start doing the same, and we will all feel so much happier because of it.
The more people become honest about what it is, they really enjoy,
and start living accordingly,
the more people will feel free to do so too.
That way, we will all be, and live as how we truly are.
The more you practice bringing honesty, balance, peace and quiet, into your life, the better you get at it, and the more natural it will start to feel.
Start with the upcoming, very busy month.
Then do the same for the new year.
Make your personal goals, your personal aspirations, as important as ‘the must-do’s’ in your life.
That’s the way to a harmonious, peaceful, content and healthy life.
Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member and you’ll be supporting me and all the other authors. Many, many thanks to you all!!!
Katrien
*”Atlas of the Heart” by Brené Brown.
**Previous articles by Katrien Degraeve.
***”Less is Yes!” by Katrien Degraeve.