Why do I have to be the one who behaves nicely and why can’t I wait for the other person to make the first kind move?
I so often hear these questions and remarks because people find it unfair:
that they should be the one making a peace offer,
that they should talk nicely to people who are not nice to them,
that they should come up with a solution when they believe it’s not their fault in the first place,
But then I ask them:
Why would you not want to be the one who makes the first move towards kindness, towards solutions, towards harmony in life?
Do you want to feel good?
Do you want to be happy in life?
There is only one way:
BE KIND to everyone, including yourself.
There has never been anyone who was happy holding grudges, who was happy waiting for another person to solve a problem, who was happy waiting for some else to change his/her behavior… I’ve talked about this in previous blogs. Do not put yourself in’ the victim of circumstances’ position, but be the ‘creator’ in your life, the creator of good vibrations. I talked* about all the different vibrational frequencies of emotions and how you can train** your mental muscles to be able to change your thoughts, hence your feelings. So, you KNOW you CAN change your thoughts, you KNOW how to feel differently. Now, all you have to know is
you should be the one to change first.
Knowing that we are all interconnected, knowing that we are all energy beings, it is a fact that everything we do, no matter how big or small, has a ripple effect on our surroundings. Nearby but also far away. The world may seem a big planet in square meters and so we may feel that we are all far away from one another, but it is a ‘small’ place if you consider our energetic connections, we are all interconnected, we are all one. We all have this responsibility, we all influence the bigger result. In changing the vibrational frequency of your own emotions, you change the frequency of the planet. The more people consciously choose to be kind, to be grateful, to live in a positive mindset, the more effect it will have on everyone, on the whole world. That’s why global mediations are so powerful. Bruno Lallement*** organizes a global mediation every Sunday sending kindness and gratitude into the world. Dr. Deepak Chopra**** already talked, years ago, about sending positive vibes into the world with as much people as possible to have a bigger effect, about letting go of your ego (which is still holding grudges), and about sending your intention to create harmony and good into the world. You can think this is all very woo-woo and as most of us can’t see this energy*****, we may find it is hard to believe this actually works. But think for instance about all the religious people who are praying to make the world a better place. In all cultures, religions, there are rites, prayers, … in which people think, pray, dance, … for a better outcome. People experience that sending out positive vibes, believing there is a solution, does make a difference. Believing there is a positive outcome possible, already helps you achieve it. Of course you need to take action too. It’s not a 1+1=2 equation. Skeptical people say that things don’t work like that, they say it’s not because you think something, it will happen. I know, it’s not that straight forward but my point is that being skeptical will definitely not give you the outcome you desire and you’ll be miserable because you’ll be attracting more negative stuff. So you might as well send out positive vibes, it will make you feel better because you’ll be vibrating on a higher frequency and you’ll be attracting more good stuff, hence a positive outcome. You can never do harm in wishing good things, in being kind and compassionate.
My way of living is:
Be the reason people still believe in the goodness of people******
Believe that being kind will result in kindness, maybe not always in the way you expect it, as you are not responsible for other people’s actions, but you will reap positive results in your life when you live your life in a kind way. Negative thinking only results in more negative stuff. In my opinion, it does not matter who is wrong and who is right, who can prove it scientifically or who can’t: all that matters to me is that we all feel good, that we act kindly, that the world is a better place for all of us, that we act compassionately and caring towards all life on earth.
There are many sayings which support “what you do in life, how you treat other people will result in how people treat you, in what you experience in life”, and as proverbs come from ‘old wisdom’, from ‘a lot of people having had this experience over and over again’, there must be some truth in it, no? For example:
You reap what you sow.
What goes around, comes around.
If you dig a hole for others, you’re sure to fall in it yourself.
As you make your bed, you must lie on it.
We do ‘know’ that how we behave, determines how our life will look like, how people will react to us. It’s just that, when we start talking about consciously sending out good vibes and believing in good things happening thanks to our thinking and behavior, then suddenly skepticism rules. I say, take a chance, try it. There will never come anything bad from being kind, you’ll never regret having been kind, on the contrary. As the Dalai Lama says:
”If you want OTHERS to be happy, practice compassion.
If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion.”******
Compassion IS being kind. Compassion makes us look at the world, at people, knowing we are all one, knowing we all have our struggles. Compassion is knowing that in being kind, we help other people to feel better and become better people too. Compassion is also needed towards ourself. When we stop beating ourselves up, when we stop feeling guilty, when we start accepting that we make mistakes and that we can learn from them, that will make us better people, that will make us kinder people, that will make us more compassionate.
Why Do I Need To Be Kind First?
My answer is very simple:
It’s the only way towards feeling good, towards leading your life the way you want to live it and towards feeling how you want to feel.
It’s the only way to make the world a better place for ALL of us. And isn’t that what we all want, ultimately, a nice, kind, compassionate world? The more people that are feeling good, the higher frequency the world vibrates on. In making sure you are feeling good, you offer a wonderful gift to yourself and to the world.
Thank you all for reading and supporting me!
Author of “less is Yes!”
* ”Not Happy? Decide Now To Stop Feeling Bad” by Katrien Degraeve on Medium
**“The Trouble Is: It’s All up To You. The Good Thing Is: It’s All Up To You” by Katrien Degraeve on Medium
*** “Ressources et Actualisation” Bruno Lallement
**** ”You are the Universe: Discovering Your Cosmic Self, and Why It Matters” by Deepak Chopra MD, and Menas Kafatos PHD. and “The Essential, Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire” by Deepak Chopra MD.
***** ”The Energy Codes” by Dr. Sue Morter
****** ”My Thoughts, My Words” by Franze Garcia
******* “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama XIV