The first thing we need to realize when we are upset, is, that what other people say, and how they react towards us, is all about them. Don’t take it personally*. That is not easy, I know, but people have their own beliefs, their own fears and so, when something does not fit into their image of what is good or right, they lash out. The more insecure they are, the harder they lash out. The harder they are on themselves, the less they love themselves, the harder they are on the outer world.
People, on the other hand, who truly accept and love themselves, react in a far more gentle way. Even when they have another vision on the matter, that is okay, they don’t need us to agree with them to feel loved, to feel worthy, as they perfectly understand that even when people have different opinions, there is no disrespect.
So, whenever we feel upset: there are 2 things to consider:
- Do I believe, this is about me, or do I know it is about them?
- Do I love myself enough to know that, even when people are not happy with things: this says nothing about who I am, this has nothing to do with me, being worthy of love, or not.
The first one, is rather easy, as every time there is a lashing out from someone, the thought that it is about you, is a thought you can steer**. You then say to yourself, this is not about me, this is about them: they are frustrated, they are unhappy, and they lash out whenever their stress levels are peaking. When you do that often enough, the first thought won’t be: ‘I am not good enough’ anymore, and from that place, you can stay calm as you now know it’s not about you. It’s just them who are not able to cope differently with their life situation.
The second one, this is a tiny little bit harder to accomplish…
Loving yourself enough.
Is loving yourself the same as being egotistical? NO! Not at all. Being selfish is in fact, another way of expressing your lack of self love. You use these selfish acts as a masking of your lack of self love. You believe that doing these things is in fact a sign that you love yourself. Your belief, that nobody else loves you, is what is making you do these egotistical things. You believe you need to do these things yourself. You think you’re not worthy of love. As long as you don’t love yourself enough, you’ll never believe others love you, as you are always looking for proof. Which means, you can’t believe it without tons of evidence. It’s a tricky path but once you love yourself, once you stop looking for evidence, you’ll see clearly what I mean by these words. Then all becomes clear. You won’t be looking for love anymore, because you will then know you are loved, with or without ‘evidence’ all the time. You just know, you just feel it.
Is loving yourself, being completely okay with who and how you are now? Do we just accept who we are, as we are, and just act without any consideration for the others?
Again, no. There is a difference between:
Accepting your flaws and at the same time, be walking the path to enlightenment, making sure you become a more loving, a more compassionate person.
And accepting who we are and bullying through life saying that’s just who I am, deal with it.
Truly loving yourself, is knowing you’re not perfect, accepting you’re not perfect BUT at the same time, whenever you see yourself acting in a way you do not like, becoming aware of it and changing your behavior into one you do like. That way, you won’t feel angry with yourself anymore, or annoyed, because you are aware of what you want to change, and you actually do something about it, so that in future situations, you’ll react in a way you like far better.
The more you are aware, the more you’ll start changing certain behaviors, and the less frustrated you’ll be. The less frustrated you are, the less likely you’ll get upset about things. That is how you walk the path to enlightenment, the path to self love. You look at yourself, and others with love, with compassion. Nobody is perfect, and that is okay. But how we deal with our imperfections, and with other people’s imperfections, makes all the difference in the world. As long as we’re all growing to become better people, as long as we know that our frustration, and their frustrations, come from our beliefs, and their beliefs, the easier it will become to be loving and less judgmental towards ourselves and others.
The more loving we are, the less we’ll be upset.
Being loving and compassionate does not mean, accepting all kinds of behavior. Boundaries are in fact an act of self love. We can set our boundaries in a loving way.
Courtney Carver*** has a nice saying about boundaries:
“The only people getting upset with you setting boundaries, are the ones who took advantage of you having none.”
My invitation to you is:
Train yourself to know the difference between people being frustrated with a situation, and people being angry at you personally. It hardly ever is the latter.
Make sure you create ways to start loving yourself. Again, I am not talking about being selfish, I am talking about you, knowing you are worthy of love without needing proof and appraisal all the time. Learn to be okay with yourself and your process of evolving.
Whenever people come to me with something they’re struggling with, it always ends up in realizing they do not love themselves enough. It all has a different name in the beginning, from wanting to lose weight to having easier and more respectful relationships, … The more they learn to love themselves, the more their ‘problem’ dissolves. As they stop fighting the problem, as they stop believing they can’t, they start treating whatever they want to change, from a place of possibility, a place of self love and that’s a game changer.
The more you act from a place of love, instead of from a place of anger and fighting, the easier you’ll ‘find’ a solution****. Once you are on a higher vibrational frequency, you’re no longer on the frequency of the problem, but on the frequency of solutions and you’ll attract more love, more positivity, more ‘luck’.
Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member and you’ll be supporting me, and all the other authors. Many, many thanks to you all!!!
Katrien
*’The Four Agreements.’ Don Miguel Ruiz.
**’Which Thoughts Are You Feeding?’ Katrien Degraeve.
***’Be More with Less’ Courtney Carver.
****’Ask and It will Be Given’ Jerry and Esther Hicks.