I would like to talk about talking. Is it relaxing? Is it stressful? Is it interesting? Is it helpful? Is it wasting time? …

As I am always trying to be very conscious about what is giving me energy and what is draining me, I would like us to think for a moment about how much we are talking and what that means to us: is it giving or draining?

Of course, we have to communicate so that we are able to live an agreeable, efficient life. No doubt about that. It is very hard to live in a society where there is bad communication or a lack of communication.

What I want to talk about here in this blog is about: talking all the time, talking to fill the voids, talking to escape introspection, talking to fill the need to convince other people, … talking because you are afraid it would be awkward to have silence.

When you look around and watch people, you notice that most people are stressed, most people are tired, most people are bad tempered, most people lack joy in their life. I believe the solution to this is: reducing stress by

Building in rest

Enjoying silence

Just breathing for a moment

Doing less

I very often write about simplifying your life, about going back to the basics to be able to really enjoy and treasure what you have. This already is a major factor in feeling less stress as you have less to do’s, there is less clutter, the energy can flow freely through your house. I also very much believe that talking less can contribute to feeling more relaxed, to feeling less burdened, to feeling more joyful.

There is that famous saying: “Think before you speak” where every letter stands for a meaningful word when we are pondering talking, when we have a closer look at speaking.

True: is what you say true. It may seem obvious that we would only tell the truth. But you’d be surprised by how much of what we are saying is actually repeating hearsay, or is our interpretation of the facts.

Helpful: if what you’re saying is not helping anyone, then why bother saying it? Most of the time it’s just ‘noise’ we’re producing. Or even worse, we may irritate or hurt somebody without even realizing it.

Inspiring: if what you say has no value, is not inspiring, is -again- just filling up the silence, then be silent for a change and see how that feels. The more you practice this, the more you will feel your energy rising, your ‘calm’ growing.

Necessary: again, why bother if it’s not necessary, let everybody enjoy silence for a change and become restful and calm. We will all benefit from it.

Kind: this for me is a no brainer: if your words are not kind, then there is absolutely no justification for saying them. You’ll only create negativity, hurt, … and it does not contribute to anything constructive.

That’s why I think it is interesting to become more conscious about our talking habits.

When we’re just blabbing away to avoid silence, I don’t think this will give us much joy. On the contrary, you’re occupied, you’re not free to do something you really enjoy and it is tiresome. It’s okay to not talk, it’s okay to be in the same room with other people, each enjoying the silence. Once you practice this, you’ll learn to feel comfortable with it and you’ll notice how much more energetic you’ll start to feel. Then when you actually say something, it will come from a place of kindness, from a place of being rested and everybody will benefit from it.

When we’re talking and trying to convince people, very often we’ll feel frustrated because very often, we are pushing too hard. We are so convinced that we are right that we get annoyed when other people don’t see it that way, or simply are not that interested in that specific topic. So here again, only talk to people about certain subjects when you feel there is room for a conversation and that you will both get energy from it.

When you really want to share something with someone, pick your moment, and pick your person, to avoid frustration and disappointment, which are both energy drainers.

Less energy means less joy.

When you are silent, you create space in your mind. There is room for contemplating what you are thinking about and why you want to share this. Very often you’ll notice that it is for reasons that will not bring joy to anyone, not even to yourself if you think it through. When you are silent for long enough, you’ll be able to distillate what will bring joy, what is worth sharing.

In being silent you also create time. Less time spent talking, is time gained to do other stuff.

I am not advocating not talking to each other anymore, all I am saying is:

Create enough silence to be able to learn the difference between

filling up silence and meaningful conversations.

As you create silence, you’ll be more rested, you’ll feel more joyful, you’ll notice more, you’ll be more able to see what is important and what not. Hence, you’ll feel less stress as you take the time to breathe, to notice, to let go of what is not important and to just be.

This is something I would really like you all to give a try: consciously thinking before you speak and avoiding mindless chatter. It will feel strange in the beginning but you’ll soon notice the benefits from it. You’ll learn so much more about yourself, about others, about life, …as you now take the time to observe, to hear, to feel. As they say:

“Silence isn’t empty, it is full of answers.”

And as we’re talking about less talking, I’ll leave you to it now 🙂 and I wish you a joyful, silent and very energizing week!

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