Whenever I go into stress-, doubt- or worry-modus, I ask myself these questions and guess what: in 95% of the cases, or even more, the answer is NO! It’s not important nor necessary.
We tend to give too much weight to everything in life.
We believe that, if we do not do this, or do that, we will fall behind.
We are convinced that, if we do not own this house, or that car, we will be seen as failures.
We truly believe that, when we have not achieved certain goals, we will be considered total losers.
But is that so? Is that really true?
Is this something you tell yourself, or is it because other people kept telling you this all the time, that now, you’ve started to believe it too?
Beliefs are sneaky creatures: they tend to worm themselves into our heads, and it’s not always clear where they originated from. That’s why I ask myself a lot of questions all the time, so that I can keep an open mind as much as possible. Asking questions diminishes the factual truth of things. The more questions we ask, the more ‘truths’ are possible. You can always look at any situation from different angles. We ourselves, are the ones who ultimately decide how we want to act, what we want to say, and how we want to live. The only thing is, you need to know that what you think, what you believe, is what makes you feel a certain way, and that feeling is what directs your actions.
Knowing that almost all of our actions, are steered by our subconscious mind, which is the place where we keep, everything we’ve once experienced, all we’ve learned in school, everything people around us told us, all we saw when we were young, … stored, it’s very important that we check this storage regularly. Thoughts keep us busy day and night, and if we do not make sure, we are in charge, they can drive us crazy! We need to make sure we keep our thoughts in check. We need to say ‘stop’ whenever our thoughts take over. We decide what thoughts we keep and what thoughts we let go of. We need to train ourselves in redirecting thoughts that are making us worry, that are making us do or say things, which are not in accordance with who we really are. Whenever you have thoughts that are making you unhappy, ask yourself questions, train yourself in how you can switch to another thought, a thought which is helpful.
Is what you’ve learned, still in accordance with how you feel about life today?
No? Change your thoughts and behavior.
Is how other people act in life, also how you want to act in life?
No? Stop acting like them.
Is what other people feel as important, also important to you?
No? Let it go and don’t be bothered.
As I write** a lot about minimalism and simplifying your life, you will recognize that here too, it is time to start clearing out ‘your attic’. Take a good look at what you think and how this makes you feel. All thoughts that are making you feel negative, angry, irritated, judging, … chuck them out. It really is up to you how you feel.
Whenever these negative thoughts pop up, and hence, make you feel miserable, ask yourself:
Why does this make me feel this way?
Why am I taking this personally?
Why do I believe I am less worthy?
Why do I feel neglected?
Is it my own expectations that made me feel disappointed?
In almost all of the cases, whenever you change your point of view, whenever you change your expectations, your thoughts, your beliefs, things resolve by themselves.
Use your conscious mind* to take a step back, to observe what is happening and to steer consciously how you think about things, and how you want to react.
Build yourself a life respecting your own values. Of course, it goes without saying that one always has to be kind and not hurtful towards other living creatures.
When I say: ‘live by your own values’, I mean: get rid of false beliefs, of expectations other people have in life, of all these worries that in the end never seemed necessary after all.
Live in a way, you want your loved ones to remember you.
Live so that whatever happens, you are proud of the way you made people feel.
Live in a way, you do not need to say sorry.
Live a kind, grateful life and guess what: when you do, you’ll be living a happy life!!
Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member and you’ll be supporting me, and all the other authors. Many, many thanks to you all!!!
Katrien
*’The Trouble is, it’s All Up to You, The Good Thing is, It’s All Up to You.’ by Katrien Degraeve.
**’Less is Yes!’ by Katrien Degraeve.
**’Many articles on Medium’ by Katrien Degraeve.