“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place”. Lao Tzu
The only way to be at peace, to feel as if you finally are where you are meant to be, is to free your mind of excuses, of false beliefs, of all kind of ‘mind viruses’.
No complaining, no explaining says dr. Wayne Dyer in his book* ‘Excuses Begone’. All the complaining we do is actually expressing excuses by which we hold other people responsible for how we feel, for what we are experiencing in life. Do we really want to stay in that straight jacket we let other people put us in?
Whenever we are explaining, we feel we are right, our ego is very eager to defend our ‘being right’ and so we try to convince the other person we are right, hence we imply that they are wrong. But what is right and what is wrong? We’ll never be happy defending our thoughts to people who do not want to be ‘converted’ to what we think is right. So, it’s enough to know what you believe in and act upon that belief without trying to explain nor convince others by words. If you convince them by your acts, then that is a beautiful thing. If not, you would never have been able to convince them with your words either.
We are fall free people, we all have a free will, we decide what we do and how we feel. I know there are rules and laws, but that’s not what I am talking about here. These are necessary to have a safe community. What I am talking about here, is that most of our lives, we use excuses for not doing what we want to do. What may have been useful when we were kids, is not useful anymore, we are grown-ups now. We decide how our life will look like, and when we make certain choices, that’s what they are, OUR choices.
Whenever we hear ourselves making excuses for not doing what we want, ask yourself the following questions, questions that are formulated and explained at large by dr. Wayne W. Dyer in part 3 of his wonderful book ‘Excuses Begone’ *
- Is it true?
- Where does that excuse come from?
- What’s the payoff?
- What would my life look like if I could not use this excuse?
- Can I create a rational reason to change?
- Can I access Universal cooperation in shedding old habits?
- How do I continuously reinforce this new way of being?
First question: Is it true?
That is the first thing we have to look at. Is what I am thinking, saying, using as an excuse actually true? If not, then it’s a no brainer to let that thought, that excuse go!! Why would we continue to think something that is not true? Knowing we have about 60 000 thoughts every day, AND we have those same thoughts every day, it’s really useful to have a close and very honest look at them. Let’s take the excuse ‘No one will ever help me’ and ask yourself: ‘Am I 100% sure this thought is true? If not, then there is the possibility that it is not true. When there is even a small chance that it is, in fact, not true, you start looking for possibilities! You are aligned with the idea of getting help instead of focusing on the belief that no one will help you. The more you are in alignment with the possibility of your excuse being false and hence the possibility that this excuse is no longer useful, you start attracting help because you focus on getting help, you focus on believing there is always someone that will help you out. Ask this question with every excuse you use and you’ll see them melting away like snow on a sunny winter day. You’ll start being free, you’ll start feeling in charge of your life as you no longer hide behind excuses and you are finally free to act like the person you really are.
Second question: Where did the excuse come from?
You can almost always find the origin of every excuse in your childhood. As a child we are influenced by everyone around us. We adopt ways of thinking, of acting. Wayne Dyer calls these influences mind viruses. He says*: “The only purpose those viruses had was to replicate, infiltrate and spread wherever possible and your inquisitive, open and willing mind surely was an inviting place for them to take up residence.”
But now, we are grown-ups, now we -when we want to live an excuse-free life- must be willing to take full responsibility! We, even though we were a child, let these thoughts in and now we can choose to let them go! It’s important to realize that it was we who let them in and we must make sure we do not start blaming (again) others nor ourselves. Looking for the origin of the excuses is just to understand how we got them in the first place. Now, we are capable of making choices to stop sabotaging ourselves. No matter how big the influences were when we were a younger person, we do have the power to say goodbye to them. It’s absolutely necessary that you take full responsibility. You learn where they came from, you understand that you used them for a very long time and now you embrace them one last time, and you let them go. Make sure to always be kind to yourself, no blaming. These thoughts were part of your mind, they brought you where you are in life today and now you can let them go as you realize they do not serve you any longer.
Third question: What’s the payoff?
This question will take some deep and honest soul searching as very often we do not realize the payoff which keeps us thinking a false thought. Payoffs can be: you get to avoid hard work, you can stay safe in known territory, you get other people to do the work for you, you can put the responsibility on other people, you feel protected when other people decide for you, … but in the end those are all excuses that keep you stuck in a place you want to get out of, you want to express the real you, you want to be in charge of your own life. You want to feel free. As a physical path is made by walking time after time on this very same path, a habit, a mind path, an excuse, is created by thinking over and over the same thought. To create a new path, we have to consciously walk/think over and over again on this new pathway, this new thought. Consciously think whenever the excuse pops up: ‘This excuse no longer serves me’, ‘I choose to take a different path from now on’. And celebrate every time you chose a thought that was in alignment with your Higher Self. The more you begin to trust yourself, the more your payoff system starts to dissolve as you don’t need it anymore. You can be fully who you are.
Fourth question: What would my life look like if I could not use this excuse?
Everything that is, was first a thought. Someone imagined it possible and then started doing whatever was necessary to make it a reality. Focus on the thought that it is possible. Let you imagination run wild! Imagine your life where anything is possible, think what you would like your life to be, and feel how this makes you feel. No excuses, everything is possible. Live it, dream it, as if it was already here. This will put you on the vibrational frequency of solutions, of opportunities and you will get the life you want, because you see things differently now. No longer are you looking from a point of view of excuses, of why it cannot be possible, but now you are looking from a place in your imagination where everything is possible, without any excuses. This makes you start taking action in order to get what you want in life, and a sense of freedom washes over you, as you are no longer held back by excuses, as you finally act upon achieving your dreams, because you now believe you can!
Fifth question: Can I create a rational reason to change?
Whatever new thinking you want to install in your mind it has to make sense to you. If you just do it because somebody else tells you to, it’ll never work. You really have to want it because that is the only way you’ll be motivated enough to make these changes. You really have to believe it will make your life better. You have to believe that this will lead you, to live fully as you, to be who you truly are. You really have to want this change or you’ll never put the work to get there. Complete honesty is required otherwise you’ll end up making excuses again, for not getting what you wanted to achieve. Also, when you do the imagination exercise and you imagine things already achieved, it must make you feel good because if the end result is not making you feel happy, then it’s no use making that change.
Sixth question: Can I access Universal cooperation in shedding old habits?
Here we come back to the Law of Attraction**. You attract what you are. Not what you desire. The more you let go of wanting, the more you live a life in service, a life of giving instead of wanting, the more you’ll receive. Shift your thoughts from ‘what’s in it for me?’ to ‘How may I serve?’ and you’ll begin attracting Universal cooperation. I love this quote by Marianne Williamson:
“The world changes when we change.
The world softens when we soften.
The world loves us, when we choose to love the world.”
Seventh question: How do I continuously reinforce this new way of being?
By practicing daily. As I’ve written so many times in my articles. The mind, the mental muscles can be trained like the physical ones. Practice daily and they’ll be strong. Your false beliefs will disappear, your excuses will not pop up again. You’ll be finally free, you’ll be connected with your Source, you’ll be you, completely and honestly. Whenever in doubt: ask the following question “What would Love do?” and you’ll know how to respond in any given situation from a place of no blaming, no explaining, no excuses.
I dedicate this week’s blog to this extraordinary mentor and wonderful teacher dr. Wayne W. Dyer was, and continues to be through his work. Thank you for being such an inspiration to the world.
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*’Excuses Begone’ by dr. Wayne W. Dyer
**’The Law of Attraction’ and ‘Ask and It is Given’ by Esther and Jerry Hicks