You read and hear everywhere:
Life is Change,
and Change is Life.
I know, I heard and read it too…
But am I the only one that has trouble accepting, and being happy, with change?
I don’t think so. I see a lot of people holding on to the past, holding on to things, to memories, to old ways, … and therefor we don’t live in the present moment.
It’s just so hard to let go, isn’t it?
We want things to stay as they are, but that’s just not possible.
Change is inevitable.
Children are growing up, and are leaving the nest.
Jobs, colleagues, change, and at a certain age we need to retire.
People around us are getting older, and people eventually die.
We too get older, maybe even sick, and can’t do the things we used to be able to do anymore.
Accidents happen, and sometimes we, our bodies, are changed for life.
And yes, these events are painful. Very painful at times.
But holding on to how it used to be, refusing to accept change, focusing on the pain, is what makes us suffer.
Buddhists say:
“Pain is inevitable,
but suffering is our choice.”
The first time I ever read that, I frowned and thought: wow, that’s harsh. But then I started to think about what they meant.
And yes, we choose the amount of suffering in our lives
by refusing to accept things,
by refusing to see things for what they are,
by refusing to go with the flow of life,
by refusing to look for the positive side of change,
by refusing to live now, in the present, and enjoy every moment for as long as it lasts.
And I know it’s hard, but it’s the only choice we have if we ever want to be happy and enjoy life with all its changes.
Accepting, thinking positively, is something we have to train. We need to train our minds to stop holding on to the past, and how to learn to embrace change, new adventures, new phases in life.
Live every moment as it is right now. Don’t worry for what is to come, as we never know how exactly things will turn out to be.
Learn how your mind works and train it so that you can handle your worries, your thoughts in order to see the good in life.
Our subconscious mind*, our Ego, our archives of all previous experiences, is there to protect us from harm. Every time we do something, encounter something, it looks for previous, similar, situations so that we stay out of harm’s way, so that we know what to do.
But that also means that when something happens which is new, our subconscious mind is panicking: it wants to show us a previous experience so that we know how to handle it, but it can’t, as we never lived this before.
Change is a new experience, we haven’t lived this yet, and so we have to consciously deal with it. We have to use our conscious mind* and make a choice about how we will handle this. By using our mental muscles** we can steer our thoughts and hence, steer our feelings.
Once we’ve encountered numerous new situations, we start to learn how to handle new things. We now know, it’s okay, it feels scary, but we can handle this.
Everyone encounters changes in their lives, everyone struggles to let go and adapt to what is new in their lives. The situations may be different, but the way to handle them is the same for everyone.
Lately, I keep repeating the words of dr. Wayne W. Dyer, as I am struggling with my oldest son leaving the nest, and going to the other side of the world to do his doctorate. Obviously, I am very happy for him, very proud of him, but of course my heart is bleeding as he will be gone for at least 4 years.
So, here are the words Dr. Dyer said, and which give me comfort and strength to deal with this change:
“Raising children is helping them become independent individuals,
but then comes the most important, and hardest, part: being happy you succeeded!”
I repeat that over and over in my head, because I know it’s true.
The best result you can hope for, is that they become happy, healthy, independent, resourceful people.
This new situation will have positive changes too, it’s just new for my mind and I need to consciously look for all the positive.
Whatever your change is in your life, try to focus on what is still possible, on what positive things this might bring, even if we can’t see it yet.
So, is change our friend or our foe?
Our subconscious mind will shout: foe!
But luckily, we have our conscious mind too, and by using our mental muscles**, by training ourselves to look for the positive in all situations, we can embrace change as our friend.
Not easy, I know, but once you start looking at change as something that also brings new opportunities, the suffering (or at least most of it) will go away.
Pain is something we all experience in life, but if we can reduce the suffering, I think we will all be a lot happier.
My invitation this week is:
Quiet your mind.
Breathe.
Look at your pain with the intention to see what is still possible.
Get creative and find a positive side.
Say to yourself, you want to stop the suffering and enjoy what is still possible.
Reach out, others will be happy to help you.
Help others, helping others takes our mind off of our own situation and makes it easier to diminish our suffering.
The more you consciously steer away from the negative, the easier it will become to stay on that higher vibration.
I wish you all the courage, the strength, and the willingness to embrace change.
Thank you all for reading me, and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles, and of many other authors, you can become a Medium Member. You’ll be supporting me and all the other authors. Many, many thanks to you all!!!
Katrien
*’The Trouble is, it’s All Up to Us, the Good Thing is, it’s All Up to Us.” By Katrien Degraeve.
**”Less is Yes!” by Katrien Degraeve.