You find what you look for in life. So better make sure you are looking for positive things, for the things you really want.
Have you ever noticed that people who always look at the bright side of life, actually always find something positive? These are the people who ‘dance with life.’*
Have you ever noticed that people who are complaining all the time, always do find new stuff to complain about? These are the people who find a problem for every solution…
It really is a matter of what you want to find in life.
What you are looking for always has a way of coming to you.
I know, life is not always sunshine and roses, but it’s what you constantly think about, worry about, talk about, that will manifest itself. I can already hear the roar of dismay, of outrage even: “Do you really think I want to feel unhappy, sick, alone, frightened…?”
I don’t think anyone consciously wants to be any of those things but I would like to ask you to have the courage to take a very close look at how you go through your life.
Are you always complaining you never get what you hope for?
Are you already saying things will never work out anyway, even before you have given it a try?
Are you ‘sure’ the world is a bad place?
Are you convinced you were dealt a bad hand of cards?
You see what I am mean.
You have 2 ways of living your life:
1/ you believe you always have a chance of succeeding.
2/ you believe everyone is out there to get you, to deceive you and so you’ll never have any chance of getting what you desire.
People, subconsciously, look for all the confirmation they can find, to support their belief. You see their actions, hence the result, confirming their belief. The 2 groups mentioned before will do the following:
1/ they believe they have a chance of getting what they want, and they do all there can be done to actually succeed at getting what they want. They go out and learn new stuff, they contact people who can teach them, help them to get what they want. They reach out, and they actually take action towards success. They believe it’s only a matter of time before, they will be happy again, will have found a job, will have made new friends, …
2/ the second group will sabotage any chance of positive outcome. They won’t do what it takes to get what they want and then, they will find confirmation of their belief as they, of course, do not get what they want.
The more you believe things will work out, the more things WILL work out. The more you believe the world is a beautiful place, the more beauty you will see around you. And vice versa.
Always looking for the beauty, for the positive is not always well received by the people around you. As people are addicted to complaining, to seeing all the negativity around them, they feel uncomfortable around people who point out the good stuff there is to be found. People then say, you are being naïve, they say: ‘Don’t be such a Pollyanna!’** as they refuse to believe there is always something positive to be found. As it is we, who create ‘our reality’ then what is actually ‘realistic’? Everybody has their own reality. It’s all in our own mind. For someone who believes in a ‘bad’ world, their reality will be ‘a bad world’ as they look for and find evidence of all the evil in the world. For someone who believes the world to be a beautiful place, they will look for, and find evidence of good stuff happening in the world.
Looking for the positive in life is not a matter of ‘not wanting to see’ what is out there, it’s not living in denial, it’s just a choice you make, it is dealing with what is happening around you, the way you choose to deal with it.
One patient will feel defeated, will be obsessed with the idea that it is unfair that they got ill (as if it’s fair on anyone to get ill…) and will wallow in negativity, not believing there is hope for healing. They’ll play the victim role and not take wholeheartedly all possible steps to get cured.
Another patient will deal with it by saying, okay this is bad, what can I do to make myself better, what are the options, and that patient lives in the belief there is hope for healing and will do all that is necessary to find a cure all the time believing he/she can heal.
Fact: no job.
One person believes they will never find a new job, so they go to job interviews subconsciously signaling their ‘not-believing-they’ll-ever-get-the-job’ and so they don’t get it, hence their belief is confirmed once again.
Another person realizes they have to go out and do all it takes to get a new job. They believe they will find it as they are taking courses to be more qualified, contact people who might be able to help them. They believe it’s only a matter of time before they will find a new job. As they radiate that confidence, they do find a new job soon.
Fact: being single.
One person believes that, as being single, they will never get invited to dinner parties, so when invited, they radiate so much negativity and despair about being alone, they’ll never get invited again as they are no fun to be around, … their belief is confirmed yet again.
Another person is open to a relationship but also enjoys the benefits of being single, hence they radiate joy, a positive attitude and are invited to get-togethers all the time.
I think by now, you see that it’s all a matter of how you look at life and everything that happens in life, whether that is illness, being overweight, being out of shape, feeling lonely, not being able to sleep well, …. I can’t imagine you not wanting to live a positive, joyful, happy, healthy life, right?
How can you learn to see the positive? How can you train your mind to find beauty and joy?
First of all, become aware whenever you feed your mind with negative thoughts and say ‘STOP’ whenever it happens.
Start following an exercise program to train your mind. Your mind, your mental muscles, work like your physical muscles***. Depending on how much negativity is in your mind, on how ‘out-of-shape’ your positive thinking is, you’ll need a starter’s program or a maintenance program. Because, the same way your physical muscles weaken whenever you stop exercising, your mental muscles need to be kept in shape all the time too.
Susan Jeffers** makes a great suggestion on how an exercise program for the mind can look like. You can modify it a bit to your own liking but know that it should look like an exercise program in order to have results. Tools you can use are:
Positive and inspiring podcasts
Post-its or cards with inspiring quotes
There is a lot of it available, look for it and start using them. The goal of your program is to ‘Outtalk Your Negativity’ As Susan Jeffers** puts it: You have to silence the negative, nagging voice inside your head, which she calls your chatterbox, and train yourself to feel uplifted.
Here is how your day will look like:
When you wake up, listen for 20 to 30 minutes to a positive, inspirational talk or guided meditation. In the beginning you do need guidance as your mind may wander towards negativity when left on its own because that is what it is used to do.
Then you get out of bed, and you’ll see the cards and post-its, you’ve put wherever you can see them, with a positive quote on them. I suggest you put some up for a week (on your mirror, on the walls, on your nightstand, on your desk, in your wallet, …) and then change them, so that you keep ‘seeing’ them and actually read them. When they stay the same for too long, you’ll get used to them and not notice them anymore.
When you’re getting ready, say your affirmation of the day in front of the mirror. That takes some getting used to, but it’s so much more powerful when you actually hear yourself saying them. Choose one the night before and keep repeating it throughout the day. An affirmation is a short sentence that usually starts with ‘I’, then a verb in the present tense stating something positive that is already happening. Examples are: ‘I am more confident every day’, ‘I love and I am loved’, ‘I trust all is happening perfectly’, I can handle this’, ….
When you’re used to reading or listening to the news, read or listen to something positive and inspiring instead. Especially in the beginning as you still need to train your mind, you have to avoid filling your mind with negativity.
When you work out, repeat your affirmation, it’s the perfect time to train all your muscles: physical and mental.
Use your time driving to work, to get positively inspired by listening to podcasts.
Whenever you feel your mind wandering off during the day towards negativity, repeat your affirmation.
Then finally, before you go to bed, listen to something peaceful, something that relaxes you.
I highly recommend meditation before you go to sleep and also writing in your gratitude journal just before you are off to sleep.
This all might seem a lot but, as it’s the same with physical training, whenever you want results, you have to train for it. Once you are able to stop your negative thoughts whenever they pop up and change them into positive ones, you can switch to a maintenance program. But you can never stop. The moment you stop, is the moment your inner nagging voice will get louder again.
I invite you all to define what you are really looking for in life, and start your program to train your mind to think and act towards what you are looking for, and you will find it!!
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*’End the Struggle and Dance with Life’ by Susan Jeffers PhD.
**’Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, by Susan Jeffers PhD.
***’The Trouble Is, It’s All Up To You, The Good Thing is, It’s All Up To You’, by Katrien Degraeve on Medium