My mentor Dr. Sue Morter and her colleague Marci Shimoff say it so accurately:

And I really do believe that is the only way to feeling happy, to living your life to the fullest.

No blaming

As long as we keep pointing the finger at someone else for how we are feeling and for what is happening to us, we completely give our power to that other person. We then truly believe that what they say, what they do, is the ingredient of our (un)happiness. Whenever you feel that way, say STOP! Say: ‘I am the one who decides what is the recipe for my happiness’. You then take back your power, you become the creator of your feelings, of your life. I know people can get under our skin. I know we don’t always see eye to eye with the people around us. But that is normal, that is okay. As long as you don’t give it too much attention, as long as you don’t keep feeding that thought, that feeling*. Where focus goes, energy flows. Whenever there is an issue, see it for what it is, an issue, no personal war, no personal attack. Take a deep breath, look at it from a more detached point of view and clear the air. Discuss what needs to be discussed and then close the subject. And keep it closed. No use coming back to it, no use continuing to bring it up. Don’t give it any attention anymore, and you’ll see the ripples disappear and before you know it, you will be navigating through calm waters again. You’ll feel energized again, you’ll feel good again, as you now focus on what lays ahead, on new possibilities, new positive situations. I always remember the story Dr. Wayne W. Dyer once told, about a client of his. This client went on and on about her mom. If only her mom could do this, if only her mom wouldn’t say that, if only her mom… After some time, Dr. Dyer said: “okay, the session is over.” You can already see the consternation on that patient’s face. She asked: “Why?” And Dr. Dyer said: “Go get your mom, and I’ll fix your mom so you can be happy.” And then it hit her, she was the one who needed to make changes in her life, she was the one responsible for how she felt and what she did and did not do in her life. As long as we keep blaming others, we don’t take responsibility for our own life. As long as we don’t make changes, nothing will change in our life. When you keep doing the things you always did, you’ll keep having the things you always had.

No Shaming.

Shaming someone is a sign of weakness. It doesn’t get you anywhere. On the contrary. When you shame another person, you are only showing your own insecurity. Because people who are lashing out, are insecure, are not happy, are not loving themselves (enough) and that translates in bullying, in shaming other people. In fact, they see imperfections in another person and that only reminds them of their own imperfections and as they have not come to terms with being a human being with flaws and imperfections, seeing the same thing in others makes them feel angry and powerless so they lash out. The only way to stop shaming others, and yourself, is by starting to accept yourself, to respect yourself and to love yourself**. Accept that you are a human being who is not perfect, respect yourself and love yourself as the person you are: a beautiful, unique person with talents and flaws. The more you accept yourself as you are, the more you’ll accept others for who they are,  and the more you’ll realize we are all connected, we are all in this together. The more loving we are towards ourselves and others, the better we will all work (and live) together and the happier everyone will feel.

No Complaining.

Complaining is an addiction. One keeps on doing it because there are benefits in doing it: You get attention. You don’t have to take responsibility. You don’t have to take action. BUT as with all addictions, it comes with a price. A price that is too high to pay. Because you may experience some benefits temporarily, in the long run, there are only down sides. You keep being stuck in a situation you don’t like. You are not feeling happy because you constantly stay on that low vibrational frequency of being a victim, of talking negatively, of giving your power away. You feel powerless and so, you complain even more: “Why is this happening to me?”, “Why is everyone so mean?”, “Why don’t I ever get a break in life?”, … you recognize the narrative? All expressions of someone who believes they have no power over their life, of someone who believes that others determine how they feel, of someone who does not realize that the only person responsible for how they are feeling, is themselves. You can tell your story once or twice to get it out in the open, to get all parties involved around the table but then, STOP telling what is ‘wrong’ and START creating solutions. The sooner you do that, the sooner you’ll climb to a higher frequency*** and the better you’ll start to feel. The higher you climb, the more you feel your power, the more you feel you are in control of how you feel, the better you’ll feel, the more open you’ll be towards other people, the more open and creative you’ll be towards finding solutions for things that are not working out in your life right now. Stop sitting in your rocking chair! It keeps you busy but gets you nowhere. Decide now that you want to move forward and start acting upon that thought. You’ll be the first benefactor of it!!!! It’s the greatest present you can give yourself!! And ‘miraculously’ the world around you will change too……Nothing but wins, nothing but a positive outcome for all!

Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member by clicking on this link https://lifecoachwomen.com/membership and you’ll be supporting me directly (and all the other authors indirectly). Many, many thanks to you all!!!

Katrien

*”Which Thoughts Are You Feeding?” By Katrien Degraeve

**”I Am: Morning Affirmations” by Kenneth Soares on Insight Timer.

***”Ask and It is Given” by Jerry and Esther Hicks

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