{"id":6082,"date":"2022-11-18T09:09:59","date_gmt":"2022-11-18T08:09:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/asking-for-help-why-is-that-often-so-difficult\/"},"modified":"2022-11-18T09:29:01","modified_gmt":"2022-11-18T08:29:01","slug":"asking-for-help-why-is-that-often-so-difficult","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/asking-for-help-why-is-that-often-so-difficult\/","title":{"rendered":"Asking for help\u2026 why is that so difficult?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Why can\u2019t we just ask for help like we ask someone at breakfast to pass us the butter? <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Why do we think we have to do everything by ourselves? <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Asking for help and helping out, 2 very complicated and treacherous zones in life. Let\u2019s dive in a little deeper.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Asking for help.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Most of us were raised to be tough, to be strong, to be able to handle things all by ourselves, never to show weakness, or any sign of needing support. And then we go out into the world and guess what happens: we can\u2019t do everything all by ourselves, we need help from time to time. But by then, we are so programmed that asking for help is a sign of weakness<\/em> and for the love of God we would never want to appear weak\u2026. and so that\u2019s where the problems start.<\/em> We struggle, we feel unable, we feel inadequate, we feel \u2026 not enough. The more we feel like this, the less we want to ask for help because there is still a voice inside our head saying: you can do this if only you try hard enough. Stop listening to that programmed voice founded on false beliefs<\/em>, and finally start saying to yourself: it\u2019s okay if I need help<\/strong> for this particular project, it\u2019s okay if I need some support in this situation. Reach out and you\u2019ll be amazed by how people are willing to help you out. Reaching out for help not only helps you with this aspect in your life, it also gives them the \u2018okay\u2019 to ask for help whenever they encounter a situation which they can\u2019t handle all by themselves. It creates a world of not having to be perfect<\/strong>, of not having to do everything by yourself, a world in which it\u2019s okay to reach out for help. It will make you feel a lot better because you now know, there are things you are perfectly capable of doing yourself AND that it is okay when you\u2019re not able to do so and that you can just ask for help without anyone, especially yourself, blaming or shaming you.<\/p>\n

Giving help.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Helping someone needs to come from a place of equality. As dr. Karpman* so clearly explains in his Karpman Drama Triangle, we should not act as a rescuer<\/strong> when someone is in need of help. This makes you feel in a superior position towards the person in need, it makes you look upon that person as the victim, the unable. And that is where it goes wrong. Helping someone is meant to make everyone feel better. You help out someone who needed a hand in a particular situation but at the same time that person is still very capable, is still very in charge of his\/her own life. We do not need to take over or start making decisions for that person<\/strong>. When we see each other as equal, we are helping. When we think we are more capable, we dominate, we take over**. When people feel that, they will never ask for help (anymore) as they do not want to be victimized. Be very aware of how you help people, listen to what exactly it is, they need help with and give them just that, nothing more unless they ask for it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I also believe that no matter what somebody is needing help with, no matter why and how much, someone is suffering, we always need to honor the person. I like what Bren\u00e9 Brown*** says about comparative suffering: \u201cHurt is hurt. Every time we honor our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy and compassion, the healing that results, affects all of us<\/strong>.\u201d\u00a0 Do not judge, do not compare and we\u2019ll all be better off. Once we realize, once we really know and feel, that we are all one, that we are all here together, on our journey, that is where helping each other becomes as natural as breathing.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you want others to be happy, practice compassion.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.\u201d Dalai Lama<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Compassion, not pity. Compassion is based on feeling equal and helping each other when needed. Pity is feeling superior, either consciously or subconsciously, and making a victim out of the person in need of help. That\u2019s where we take away the dignity of that person, that\u2019s where we start taking over. Let\u2019s be there for one another, let\u2019s really listen to what the other person is saying and be a loving presence.<\/p>\n

Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium too! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member by clicking on this link https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.com\/membership<\/a> and you\u2019ll be supporting me directly (and all the other authors indirectly). Many, many thanks to you all!!!<\/p>\n

Katrien<\/p>\n

*\u2019The Karpman Drama Triangle\u2019 by dr. Stephen Karpman<\/p>\n

**\u2019Help is the Sunny Side of Control\u2019 Medium article by Katrien Degraeve<\/p>\n

***\u2019Atlas of the Heart\u2019 by Bren\u00e9 Brown.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why can\u2019t we just ask for help like we ask someone at breakfast to pass us the butter? Why do we think we have to do everything by ourselves? Asking for help and helping out, 2 very complicated and treacherous zones in life. Let\u2019s dive in a little deeper. Asking for help. Most of us […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6082","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-non-classifiee"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6082","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6082"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6082\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6085,"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6082\/revisions\/6085"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6082"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6082"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifecoachwomen.be\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6082"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}