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I read a nice quote of Michael Singer* the other day and I felt a confirmation of all I have learned through the years from many of my teachers**. That is why I dedicate, in much gratitude, this blog to all of them.<\/p>\n
Everyone teaches in their own words how it is up to you, how you want, and can feel in life.<\/p>\n
The quote says:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll never be free from problems, <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n as long as you don\u2019t free yourself from that part of yourself, <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n that sees problems everywhere.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n And that is exactly what I have learned from my teachers and from life itself.<\/p>\n As long as you don\u2019t change your thoughts about a situation, the situation will not change, and you\u2019ll feel stuck.<\/p>\n That is what so many great teachers taught us: dr. Wayne W. Dyer in \u2018Change your Thoughts, Change your Life.\u2019, dr. Viktor Frankl in Men\u2019s Search for Meaning, dr. Susan Jeffers in Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway\u2026and in many of their other books and teachings.<\/p>\n It is so true.<\/p>\n It is the most important wisdom you can gather in life.<\/p>\n You are responsible for your own happiness.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n People hate it when you say that, but it\u2019s the brutal truth. Situations are what they are. But how you handle them, is up to you, and only you.<\/p>\n How you think about it, how you handle it, will determine how you feel about it,<\/span><\/strong> and that is why it is so important one learns this way of handling life. Because, in the end, we all want to feel good, want to feel happy and content, don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n To learn to handle situations in a way that makes us feel okay with it as much as possible, we have to train*** our mental muscles.<\/span><\/strong> I have talked about it in many of my blogs, dedicated a whole chapter in my book to it, and is one of the tools I always teach people who come to me. Because just talking about not feeling happy, lamenting on and on about all that is not going well in your life, will change nothing, absolutely nothing.<\/p>\n I firmly believe that the most important thing I can teach people, is to learn how to handle life with all its quirks, with all its ups and downs.<\/p>\n Learning to steer your thoughts is what changes your life, that is what makes you able to course-correct when things feel off.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Once you learn these skills, once you start to feel that this new way of looking at situations has become your new MO, that is when you feel you can handle life. That is when you stop blaming all and everyone else for your problems and for how you feel. That is when you feel strong enough to handle all that life throws at you and still feel\/be okay.<\/p>\n The mental muscles we can learn to use in every situation are:<\/p>\n Perception:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Whenever a situation occurs, we immediately have our own version of what is going on<\/span>, our own version of the truth, in our minds. It\u2019s imperative when you want to be able to relax and see beyond that \u2018truth\u2019, that you learn to train your mind to immediately assume that that is NOT what is happening.<\/span> It will feel strange in the beginning but do it anyway. Open your mind to all possibilities of what is going on.<\/span> You\u2019ll feel yourself relaxing as you now know there are many possibilities of \u2018the truth\u2019 and you\u2019ll soon realize it\u2019s no use getting all worked up if you don\u2019t even know what is what. A simple example: your colleague asks you to call back your neighbor as she got a phone call from one of your neighbors saying your dog is barking non-stop. Your first reaction can be: annoyance towards your neighbor for being so intolerant, and you already feel angry before you have even called back. But if your mind can immediately release this thought and open up to multiple explanations for why your neighbor is calling, maybe there is something wrong, maybe there is an emergency, …you will be calling back with the intent of really listening. You will even feel grateful that you have such a concerned neighbor. One message, but there are completely different ways of interpreting the situation. One call would have been an angry, annoyed call, not helping neighborly relations at all, and the other call will feel constructive, will feel as helping one another, and will result in a positive solution.<\/p>\n And even in situations where you\u2019ll never know \u2018the truth\u2019, assuming that the other person is suffering, is going through a crisis, or is just trying to help you, always helps to feel compassion, to feel grateful, and helps you to feel more tolerant and to be open to more versions of what is going on.<\/p>\n Imagination:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n When you train this mental muscle, you can learn to imagine all kinds of \u2018truths\u2019 for a situation. Whenever you open your mind to different possibilities, you relax. You know it\u2019 s no use flying off the handle when you\u2019re not even sure what is really going on here. This helps in all situations when, for instance, someone is not behaving as you would want them to. This does not mean you have to tolerate everything in life. You do have to set boundaries to what is acceptable and what is not. But it means the difference between useless arguing, picking fights, and just remaining calm, and walking away when necessary.<\/p>\n It also helps in situations where you need to find a solution. When you are open to a lot of possible options, you\u2019ll find a solution a lot easier and faster, because you are on the vibration of possibilities and not stuck on the vibration of problems.<\/p>\n Intuition:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Wayne Dyer has a beautiful way of describing intuition. He says:<\/p>\n \u201cIf praying is you talking to God, intuition is God talking to you\u201d.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n I prefer talking about the Universe, about Source, but it means the same. We are all connected, we are all part of the Universe, of the One, of the Wholeness. And our intuition is the answer to what we ask the Universe. It\u2019s this first vibration whenever we think something, it\u2019s what we call our gut feeling. We send out a question to the Universe, and our body receives an answer, a vibration, a split-second signal. We just have to learn how to listen to it again. Most of us have lost this connection because we are all trained to need proof, to need the answer in writing before we believe anything. But learn to be still again, learn to listen to your body again. Put your hand on your heart, be very quiet and just breathe and listen.<\/p>\n Ram Dass says:<\/p>\n \u201dThe quieter you become, the more you can hear.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Your body will tell you what is the right thing to do.<\/p>\n Repetition:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n When we know that 95% of all our actions are initiated by our subconscious mind****, we need to make sure our new thoughts, our new actions and ideas, are stored in our subconscious mind so that our automatic response will originate from this new way of thinking. Repetition is the best way to consciously put a new thought into our subconscious mind. Whenever a trigger activates an old thought, make sure you recognize it as an old belief, and replace it with what your new belief wants you to think and how your new belief wants you to act. The more you repeat this, the easier it will become to think in this new way, and to act in this new way.<\/p>\n For example: Suppose that whenever you are amongst people, you think people see you as a dull person and so you make yourself invisible. This makes you feel unhappy and unworthy. Of course, you want to change this feeling as it is not making you happy. First you change your perception and you make sure you can see the situation differently. You now, consciously, see people who do NOT think that you are a dull person. Then you use your imagination and you create a new vision of what is possible. Now, every time you are amongst people, you decide to approach them and make contact with them, and you see and feel people connecting with you, you no longer experience others seeing you as dull. The more you repeat this new behavior, the easier it becomes, until one day, you never even think about others finding you dull anymore. You have established a new belief, and hence a new behavior. This results in a new feeling. You can implement this practice with every situation where you feel unhappy, as long as you are open to see things differently, and act upon this new belief.<\/p>\n Free will:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n We as humans have this great tool: free will. We get to decide what we think, what we do, and hence how we feel.<\/p>\n In every situation, you have the free will to decide how you will deal with it. This is unique and priceless.<\/p>\n The better you have an image of who you are and how you want to live your life, the better your free will can determine what you still allow in your life and what not. The more you eliminate what you do not want anymore, the bigger your focus can be on what you do want in life.\u00a0 The bigger the focus, the better you know what to do and the sooner you will be and feel who you really want to be and how you really want to feel.<\/p>\n Rational thinking about the \u2018how\u2019:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Once we know what <\/em><\/span>we want, what we do not want anymore, once we know why<\/em> <\/span>we do, or do not want these things anymore, then it is time to decide how<\/em> <\/span>we will get there.<\/p>\n If we were to make concrete plans, before we know what and why, we would immediately hit a wall, we would come up with tons of reasons why we would never be able to make these changes. But once we have a very firm why, the road is open to make the how very concrete.<\/p>\n This is the phase where we make action plans.<\/p>\n For instance: we want our body to be in better shape. We know we do not want to be unable to walk without being out of breath, we know we want to stay strong and flexible. And very importantly, we know why. We want to stay in good health to continue to enjoy life, and to be able to live a healthy and active life. This established, we make a plan, for instance: to go to the gym on the same days and at the same times, every week, and to stick to it.<\/p>\n Another example: we do not want to gain weight. We know what we want, and what we do not want, we know why and now we make a plan. No more sweets or cookies during the week for example, only for special occasions or on Sundays\u2026 the exact plan is up to you.<\/p>\n But first know your why<\/em> and your what<\/em>, then make your how<\/em> concrete and stick to it!<\/span><\/p>\n You are a lot stronger than you believe.<\/p>\n You can do it.<\/p>\n Make your why a very realistic, and a very strong, one.<\/p>\n If possible, try to find an accountability partner.<\/p>\n Make it fun.<\/p>\n Be proud of yourself whenever you stick to the plan.<\/p>\n Write it down, put reminders in your agenda, in your phone, \u2026 do whatever it takes to stay on course.<\/p>\n The longer you keep it up, the easier it will become.<\/p>\n And when you do slip up, get back up, regroup your thoughts and move on. Remember your why.<\/p>\n When you are able to free yourself of what makes you unhappy, of what makes you feel helpless, you can handle any situation in life.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n I wish you all the courage, the strength and the perseverance to learn these skills. Train your mental muscles as you would any other muscle.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Thank you all for reading me, and for supporting me on Medium. If you want unlimited access to all of my articles, and of many other authors, you can become a Medium Member. You\u2019ll be supporting me and all the other authors. Many, many thanks to you all!!!<\/p>\n Katrien<\/p>\n *Michael A. Singer, American writer and teacher.<\/p>\n **Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Dr. Susan Jeffers, Dr. Viktor Frankl, and many others.<\/p>\n ***\u201dLess is Yes!\u201d part 3 by Katrien Degraeve.<\/p>\n ****\u201dThe Trouble is, it\u2019s All up to You. The Good Thing is, it\u2019s All up to You.\u201d By Katrien Degraeve.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I read a nice quote of Michael Singer* the other day and I felt a confirmation of all I have learned through the years from many of my teachers**. That is why I dedicate, in much gratitude, this blog to all of them. 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