How to stop overthinking every single ‘problem’ you encounter.
What turns a situation into a problem?
It’s us. It’s what we do, that creates most of our problems. When there is a challenge, a hick up in our life, an unwanted situation, the first thing we do, is start thinking about it. We think and think and overthink what is happening, what might happen next, what can be a result of this, … and the carrousel of thoughts has begun. Round and round and round, … an endless spinning of our mind.
How can we stop this useless train of thoughts?
First of all, you have to be aware of the fact that you are doing this, this so tiresome, so addictive way of keeping your thoughts going over and over the same thing. Yes, it’s something you have to consciously stop doing because we are not aware of the fact that we think each day about 80 to 90% of the thoughts we thought the day before! So, if you do not very consciously tell yourself to stop, you’ll keep on thinking the same things over and over again. By doing so, you’ll make everything seem worse than it is, you create your own version of what seems to be going on and we also think we know what other people are thinking, what they will say and do, …. but we don’t know that! And as I’ve told many times before, what we think, determines how we feel AND how we act. Thinking the same thoughts, will result in feeling the same way hence in acting the same way and so we’re STUCK in the same situation/ problem.
When you catch yourself being on that carrousel of same thoughts, say STOP! Even out loud if necessary because that is the first thing you have to do: break free from that train of endless same thoughts.
You can use certain techniques if saying stop does not work the first couple of times you’re trying this. One of the very simple techniques is: when you can’t stop your thoughts: focus on your immediate surroundings and name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you feel and 1 thing you taste. The simple fact of focusing on those things, will have stopped the carrousel in your head. The more you practice stopping your thoughts, the easier it will become.
The next thing you have to do is, look at the situation from a neutral point of view. Remind yourself that thinking about it in the same way, the way that did not result in a solution, will never get you to resolve the matter, to finding an answer. So, if you want to get this problem/issue solved, you’ll have to handle this differently. Because as dr. Einstein so wisely put: “Insanity is: doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result.” And as we are not insane, we’ll have to start acting differently in order to get another outcome!
A very good start to getting in this neutral position, is noting what is fact and what is emotion. Here you have to be very honest with yourself and put your ego aside! Your ego, your ‘protective Self’, will come in kicking and screaming, ‘telling’ you that you are right and that it’s up to other people to get this thing sorted out. Newsflash: it’s up to you to get this problem solved as it is you that is bothered by it and it’s you and only you that can change the way you feel! Yes, indeed, you first change how you think so that your ‘thinking differently’ can change how you act!
How can you get a grip on the situation?
Make a list of the actual facts. Once you see it in writing, it will help you even more to be very honest and to see the difference between facts and story.
Now you are ready to move forward, to go towards a solution. Once you have the facts mapped out, you can start acting on them. Now that the ‘problem’ has come down to actual facts, most of the emotion has abided and all parties are more open to getting this thing sorted out. Once you start doing -instead of just thinking about it-, you’ll see changes happening, you’ll feel you’re handling it and the (over)thinking will stop! Finally! The more you actually do, the more you stop the mind traffic, the better you’ll feel. You’ll be wondering how on earth you could have let yourself get so sucked in into the story you were telling yourself. It made you so unhappy, so stressed out and still you kept on thinking the same story and even making it bigger and worse by doing so!
Now, you know you can stop this!
This new way of thinking is something you need to practice. You have to train your mental muscles (cf. Bob Proctor: The 6 mental faculties). It’s very similar to physical muscles. You have to start small, keep doing it, and keep moving towards bigger challenges until it has become a habit, until it has become your new way of thinking, until you can handle any situation by using your mental muscles, by steering your thoughts towards facts, solutions. The mental muscles I recommend training to stop overthinking ‘problems’ are:
perception: changing your point of view
imagination: thinking what else is possible
memory: keep practicing until it’s a habit, until it’s your natural MO
So now, when something comes up: instead of going into your mental, closed off carrousel of emotional thinking, you immediately catch yourself and say: okay, I am not going there. Write down what is fact here and what you can do about it. In doing so, it will become very clear what exactly is the problem. Here you will see how much is in your hands and what you will have to accept and let go of. Because of course you will encounter situations where there is not much you can do about, as we cannot change other people’s behavior, we cannot change the world on our own, … we can only do what is in our power. Once you’ve accepted that, it is a lot easier to stop thinking and to start letting go of stuff you can’t do anything about.
You will feel better, you will feel less burdened, you will feel lighter as you do not see everything as a problem anymore. You’ll see the difference between facts and emotions and you now know what is in your hands and what not. Clear your head of all the clutter* that is housing there, get rid of all the useless thoughts, of all the ‘problems’ that are not your problems.
Solve what is yours to solve and let go of all the rest.
Try it and you’ll feel a huge weight being lifted from your shoulders! You’ll be able to move more freely, to breathe more easily! You’ll feel more relaxed as you have less ‘problems’ on your mind and you’ll be able to solve and/or dismiss more quickly issues that come your way. This does not mean you’ll become insensitive, no, this means you won’t stay on this negative, low energy vibe of frustration, of feeling stuck. You”l work your mental muscles towards finding solutions.
Thank you all for reading me, supporting me, following me on Medium!
*’Less is yes!’ Katrien Degraeve, Part 3: Mental Decluttering
All we hear nowadays is:
Travel the world,
Do it all,
See it all,
Be it all,
Okay, I hear them, I can relate to some of those statements. I sure can.
what if this gives you stress,
what if this makes you feel like a failure, because you will always fail to do it ALL
what if you just can’t do all this, right now
what if you feel you need to perform every single minute of every single day,
what if you can’t stop planning, comparing, … because of this?
Isn’t it sad that we let ourselves get overwhelmed by what ‘the world’ tells us we need to do/have?
Shouldn’t we get to decide what our world/ our life should look like?
That is why I say:
Make your world smaller, simpler.
Replace FOMO with JOMO!
Feel the Joy Of Missing Out instead of the Fear Of Missing Out!
Most people are stressed, I would even dare to say:
we all feel stress,
on different levels of intensity.
We are all ‘sick’ with this disease called stress.
Some people are able to recognize this and create ways to deal with it so that stress does not rule their world.
Other people get sick.
They may not even know it’s stress that is causing their illness, but they are suffering.
That is why I invite you all to make your world smaller, to make your life simpler.
We are all slaves of our stuff,
of our agenda,
of our to do lists,
of our ambitions,
of other people’s expectations,
of our own expectations,
What if we start telling ourselves:
“it’s okay to be who I am, and where I am right now.”
And believing it!
Start creating a life in which you feel comfortable,
a life that feels good to YOU.
DO the things that GIVE you energy,
STOP doing things that DRAIN your energy.
You don’t have to do it all, try it all.
You don’t have to do everything at the same time either.
Do some stuff, and see if you really need to do it all in life.
Take the time to feel what is right for you, and what isn’t.
Some things are just not meant for you as other things do feel right for you and but not for others.
Get rid of stuff that is just filling your house, your wardrobe.
Only keep what you use, what you like, what you wear often.
Stop attending events where you don’t feel you can be you.
Stop scrolling hours and hours on your phone or computer,
it does NOT make you happier.
Stop wanting to know everything, to see everything, to hear everything:
You will NEVER know all there is to know, never.
Stop comparing yourself to others, you are not them and they are not you!
There is only one of you,
You are unique!
So BE unique!
Stop trying to be, to do what others are/do.
Most of the time,
they too are struggling to find their identity and they too just do what society dictates people to do.
This is a rather sad situation, isn’t it:
we all do what ‘they’ say we should do but in fact none of us wants to do that stuff because it is not what our heart tells us to do.
that’s why I say:
Once you’ve created that smaller, simpler world,
you’ll feel better, lighter, happier,
as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
A weight that you not always realize you are carrying until you stop carrying it.
You finally are allowed to be you, just you.
You finally know what makes you happy because you decide for yourself what it is you will allow in your life and what not!
The more you live in this ‘smaller’ world,
the less stress you will feel,
the healthier you’ll become,
the happier you will feel.
Life will seem easier, lighter, brighter.
You’ll have a clear vision of what you want to do AND you’ll have the energy to do it because you stopped doing all those things that are not meant for you, that are not important for you.
Those things were only important to your image,
to what you wanted people to think of you,
to what you THOUGHT made you happy.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Take a deep breath, become quiet, put your hands on your heart and feel who you are,
feel what really makes you happy.
Simplify your life.
Make your world smaller so that you feel less stress, less anxiety.
Do things that make your heart sing, things that expand your energy!
Create this ‘smaller’ world that is you.
Smaller does not mean, become a hermit and hide from the world.
smaller means: let go
of the things that are not you,
of situations where you feel you do not belong.
It can be hard to let go of things we’ve done all of our lives, because we thought they made us happy, but do we really want to keep doing what does not make us happy?
It can feel awkward not saying ‘yes’ to every invitation you get, because you fear you will hurt other people’s feelings, you fear you won’t get invited anymore, … but do you really want to keep being invited to parties you don’t like? I don’t think so! Start saying ‘yes to yourself’, stop hurting your own feelings!
The good news of living in a smaller world is, there is room now!
Room to see and do what expands your heart!
So, no more FOMO but start seeing the JOMO!
You are finally free!
You finally give yourself permission to be you!
Enjoy this new life!
Enjoy YOUR life!
The more you live as you, the more you will start attracting people you like, people who love the same things as you because that’s how you’ll be living from now on.
You’ll feel more connected, more at ease, you’ll feel as if you’ve come home,
because you will have come home…
HOME to YOU!
Thank you all for reading me!
Thank you all for following me on Medium!
I am so grateful I have the opportunity to share my thoughts with you all!
I am so grateful for all the wonderful people I have had the privilege of getting to know and being able to learn from in my life.
My coaches/mentors Marc and Angel Chernoff (Getting Back to Happy, 1000+ little things happy, successful people do differently, …) are part of those amazing people in my life and I apply on a daily basis what they taught me.
When I am on an emotional roller coaster,
when I feel overwhelmed,
when I feel justice was far from present in a certain situation,
when something is bugging me,
I quiet down my thoughts and start listening to what my soul knows.
I listen to what my mentors have taught me.
Instead of getting angry, find the lesson.
That may sound harsh but when you look deep into your heart, when you are being completely honest with yourself, …
you know there is always a lesson to be learned.
When harsh words were said:
Listen to what the message was,
don’t pay attention to the way things were said but:
hear what the other person was feeling underneath his/her words,
why was that person angry, frustrated, upset, …?
When things made you feel unhappy,
When something rattled your cage,
When you were disturbed by something, …
What can I learn here?
What is going on here?
When you can think about it -as I said in last week’s blog-
without the heat of the emotions blazing through your veins,
you’ll be able to see what the lesson is here for you to learn.
That’s when you’ll be able to turn around your emotions and start feeling grateful for that lesson instead of being angry at the one, or at the situation, that taught you.
Another beautiful wisdom is:
In place of envy, feel admiration.
This helps you in any situation where you might feel envy!
Whenever you feel this green monster lurking around the corner,
and tell yourself you have two options:
1: you invite this monster into your heart and all you feel is: energy-draining, annoying, negative, poisonous emotions. Result: you’ll feel even worse as you are feeding the monster and it becomes bigger and bigger until it completely consumes your thoughts/emotions.
2: you recognize your envy for what it is: you are feeling insecure because of what that other person is able to do, knows, … and instead of putting yourself down and making yourself even more miserable, admire the person for it, talk to that person about it and show genuine respect. Result: the positive vibe you send out, will attract other positive emotions and before you know it, you have a positive relationship with that person, you can learn from that person as they will be more than happy to include you into their activities.
Instead of worrying, take action.
This is soooo helpful!!
It reminds me of another quote I love:
“Action is worry’s worst enemy”
As I am a master in worrying and overthinking stuff,
I remind myself very often:
No use going over and over it in your mind,
Take a piece of paper:
Write down what is troubling you.
Write down what actions you can take to handle the situation.
The more action you take, the more you feel you are on top of it,
the less scary things seem.
If it’s something you can’t do anything about it just by yourself,
then tell yourself as Courtney Carver says:
“No amount of worrying ever changed the outcome of something!”
Let it go.
Which brings me to the last quote I will be sharing in this blog:
In place of doubt, have faith.
Have faith that all will be okay.
Most of the things we have ever lost sleep over,
we can’t even remember anymore.
Little things we forget about easily but
even what seems unsurmountable now,
will seem peanuts years from now.
Learn to trust that the Universe has your back.
You are doing okay.
You can handle it,
yes, you can.
The more you have faith,
the more you will learn that you can control how you feel right now.
My invitation to you all this week is:
In any case of
direct your thoughts towards:
being grateful for the lessons we learn in life,
feeling admiration for what other people can, are, … what we can’t do, are not, …
taking action so that problems become challenges we can handle,
having faith and believing it will all turn out okay.
Thank you all for reading me.
If you are interested in learning how you can make your life easier, lighter, in learning how to be in charge of your thoughts, of your emotions, order my book ‘Less is yes!’ and start this new path in your life and feel finally free!
The Law of Polarity.
I know I’ve already written a blog about it once, or maybe several,
but I think it’s good to remind ourselves of that law from time to time.
I don’t know if you are familiar with the laws of nature but one of them,
The Law of Polarity, states that:
Everything has a positive and a negative pole.
I know, I know,
sometimes it takes me some ( okay a lot of) time too,
to find something positive in a shitty situation.
But there always is.
Of course, the moment you say this, people always try to find an extreme situation where we can’t seem to find a positive side.
But the thing is,
there always is.
It’s not because we, humans, can’t always understand or see a good thing in a bad situation, that there isn’t any.
It’s often something that we may not observe but that is there all the same.
Sometimes you become a better person because of what happened to you and you vowed never to become like them nor act the way they treated you.
Sometimes it takes time and suddenly something may become possible because of a negative thing that happened years ago.
And other times, we’ll just never know.
Let’s stick to ‘normal’ situations for now.
When we are faced with:
an annoying situation,
an unfair judging,
let’s first of all,
take a deep breath,
take some distance (literally if possible),
tell yourself not to respond immediately,
breathe and let your emotions subside a bit,
then ask yourself:
‘Is this true?’
‘What are the facts here and what are just emotions?’
‘What if I place myself in the other person’s shoes?’
‘What else could be true here?’
Watch what happens.
You’ll notice that once your emotions are less present,
once you try seeing:
what other side of this situation can also be true,
what else is possible,
what advantages -maybe not right away, but think big, think in the future- this situation can give you,
where the person, who is annoying you, attacking you, giving you a hard time, … is,
at this particular time in his/her life,
your mind will open and you’ll start seeing the other pole of the situation.
Knowing that this is a law of nature, and is therefore always applicable,
it will help you to look for, and find, multiple ways of looking at everything.
You’ll need your mental muscles (you can read all about them in part three of my book “less is yes” in which I describe all 6 of them) to learn this.
The first one: perception is very important here.
Change your point of view to be able to see another angle.
As Dr. Wayne Dyer so beautifully states:
“When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at, change.”
Also the second muscle: Imagination is needed here.
You have to use your imagination to see what else could be possible.
You get fired.
Very negative situation, you are upset, you feel like a failure.
What else is possible:
Maybe this job was not what fitted you most and now you have the freedom to go and look for a job that really fits you, a job you really would like to do.
Maybe you did not get along with your colleagues and this was draining you. Now you are free of that negative energy and you’ll feel liberated.
Maybe you were not respected in this job and now you’ll find a job where they see your capacities and respect you for it.
Just use your imagination and see what comes up.
The same goes for every situation:
Take a step back.
Let the emotions fade away.
Start thinking big:
What else is possible here?
My invitation to you this week is:
Take something that is bothering you in your life right now
and start pivoting around this thing/person.
Look at it from all angles.
See what is possible.
See what opportunities may be waiting around the corner.
Approach the situation/person with this new vision in your mind.
Watch what happens!
When you feel yourself, relapsing in your usual responses, in your usual way of thinking,
tell yourself that
there is more,
there are other possible ways of looking and interpreting this.
Keep training yourself and you’ll see
how much easier life will get,
how much lighter you’ll feel as you don’t let yourself get drawn into negativity, into worst case scenarios all the time anymore.
Keep practicing this and it’ll get easier and easier.
You’ll be amazed with what your world can look like,
If only you look at it from all possible angles!
Enjoy your newly discovered opportunities.
Peace = Inner Peace
We all want peace, don’t we?
We like it
when there is harmony,
when people are nice,
when the world agrees with us,
when we don’t have to ‘fight’ all the time…
But do we really have any control over this?
Do we have the key to keep the whole world in a place we define as harmonious?
Unfortunately, no, we don’t.
what we do have control over,
where we do have the key to,
is our inner peace.
We decide how we feel!
We decide whether to engage in an argument or not.
We decide whether we will sulk all day because something did not go the way we wanted it to go, or not.
We decide whether we listen to the news or whether we make up our own minds.
We decide whether we let others rule our lives, or not.
Once you realize you have all the power over how you feel,
your whole world will change!
You will always be able to go to that place of inner peace.
No matter what happens in the outer world, you will have your calm inner place you can go to.
That is where you will always find peace.
That is where you can relax,
where you can recharge your batteries,
where you can feel good.
This is my invitation to you all this week:
Create this place of inner peace.
Name it if you like so that you can tell yourself in times of turmoil: ‘okay, it’s time to go to …’
And you’ll find peace, quiet, comfort there.
You’ll have your sanctuary where you can go to anytime you need.
You can start by first of all:
Training yourself to become quiet.
Focus on your breathing.
Let all the turmoil in your head dissipate.
When thoughts enter, acknowledge them as thoughts and let them pass by.
Serena Dyer describes this beautifully in her latest book ‘The Knowing’, she says her mom taught them to:
‘Imagine yourself sitting in a train which is slowly leaving the station and you see the passengers on the platform but you gently glide away from them.’
Let yourself gently glide away from all these thoughts in your head.
Then you go to your place of inner peace,
to your place where you feel love, friendship,
to this place of gratefulness, of kindness.
There is so much beauty in your life, so many things to be grateful for.
Create this place in your heart where you treasure all this beauty.
Then when you go there, all you will feel, is warmth, joy, peace.
It’s such a beautiful place.
Make your own little haven of peace.
I wish you lots and lots of inspiration, joy, and quietness so that you can create your inner sanctuary.
Once you have this, you’ll always have your place to go to in times of anxiety, of turmoil, of restlessness.
It is so worth it!
Thank you all for reading me!
Thank you so much for following me on Medium!
If you want more tips on creating peacefulness in your life, read my book ‘less is yes!’ and you’ll find a very practical guide to get to that place of calm, of space, of being able to breathe again.
Feeling as if you’re facing all of your problems all on your own.
Feeling as if you’re losing grip on your life.
Does this ever happen to you?
I feel this very often lately.
As our ‘kids’ are away from home now, both off to college, studying,
it feels as if my role as a mom is finished:
“Hi mom, what’s for dinner?”
“I need my sports shirt. Do you know where it is?”
All the little things
that make you feel needed,
that create this vibrant atmosphere of having kids at home,
is now a thing from the past.
I know I am not ‘finished’ as a mom
of course I am not, but it just FEELS that way.
I know this too will pass and we’ll all adjust to this new way of life,
this new dynamic in our family life.
I think everyone has moments in their life,
where you feel
as if the rug has been tugged from under your feet,
as if you are facing all of your worries and pains all alone.
But the thing is, we’re never alone.
That’s what we so often forget.
We are all interconnected.
We are all one in this Universe.
Once you open yourself up to this idea,
you’ll feel the warmth, the love of all.
And I don’t only mean being connected with physical friends and spending actual time together, no, because this is not always possible.
No, I mean, being connected on a vibrational level.
Have you ever experienced thinking of someone and then, apparently out of the blue, that person contacts you?
Or you look at someone’s back and without making any noise,
they ’feel’ you and they turn around.
That is how vibrations work.
You can ‘talk’ to people far away.
You can feel/send love and friendship from/to people without actually being in the same room.
I invite you all to train this form of communication.
It will bring you so much joy, so much comfort.
You can also communicate with people whose bodies are not in this physical world anymore, yes, even with them you can still ‘talk’.
When our bodies stop being here in this physical world,
our soul continues to exist.
We are all eternal, energetic beings.
So, we can always continue communicating with each other.
The quieter we become,
the more we can feel those vibrations.
It is just another way of connecting/ communicating with other souls.
This is so important because:
the more connected you feel,
the less lonely, abandoned you feel.
Train yourself in communicating on this vibrational level
by learning how to become quiet,
by listening to your heart,
by getting to know the real you,
and finding the courage to be who you are intended to be.
Once you realize, and know, you can communicate on this level,
you will also realize you have, and can communicate with, your guardian angel(s).
This can be a person you have known,
or whomever you feel supported by.
You can ‘talk’ to them on a daily basis,
or you can go to them for support when you are struggling with something,
or when you feel alone or overwhelmed.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Find your silent moment(s) and think about who or what you feel supported by.
Train yourself in communicating with this energy.
The more you practice this,
the more support it will give you,
the more guidance you will experience.
It’s so worth it and you’ll never feel alone again, or at least not for long as you know there is ‘someone’ you can turn to.
You’ll know and feel there is always someone /something
watching your back,
looking after you,
You never need to feel alone anymore as you now know
you are always loved.
You can also send love to anyone, wherever they are, and support them by sending them vibrational messages.
So, my role as a mom, and your role (or whatever it is you feel is over), is still wished for, is still needed.
Keep on communicating.
We are all in this together,
we are all part of the Universal energy!
Thank you all for reading me!
If you like my articles, thank you for becoming my ‘follower’ on Medium.
For us, authors on Medium, to be able to continue writing, we need a certain number of followers. Thank you so much for supporting my dream as a writer.
How can you keep your energy level high?
How can you keep away from energy drainers?
We all want
to feel good,
to feel energetic,
to be able to handle life,
to live a life that we actually like.
But what do we do about it?
What do we actually do to get to live that life that feels good?
and, here we go,
we are so good at finding excuses you know,
because we keep practicing this over and over again!
My boss this,
my partner that,
I will start when I first get this sorted out,
when the kids are all grown,
but I have to,
I can’t help it,
Yep, that was easy, wasn’t it?
But now comes the hard part: taking your responsibility!
And again, oh yes, we are world champions in finding excuses!
it’s not my fault that,
I can’t change that,
that’s not up to me, …
I tell you: it is!
It’s up to you to do all the things that expand your energy.
It’s up to you to look at the situation and know there is a solution for everything.
It’s up to you to believe you can handle it.
It’s up to you to practice self-care so that you have the energy, so that you are feeling able to handle anything that comes your way.
Love yourself enough to start taking care of yourself
so that energy drainers fall back,
and that they do not affect you to the level where you get stuck by them anymore.
Make time to do the things that will expand your energy!
Once your energy flows and you’re vibrating on that high frequency of possibilities,
your boundaries will be there automatically.
You won’t have to ‘fight’ anymore to keep the negative people out of your energy field.
Once your energy is flowing,
people will feel that energy and they will either
enter your positive field and start vibrating on that frequency,
they’ll fall back and stay away.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Take back control of your energy,
of your life,
of how you want to feel.
Start this by doing the following things:
Do something, every day, that releases stress, your fear.
Because fear is an energy drainer.
Remove things from your diet that eat away your energy.
Increase things in your diet that boost your energy, that nourish your body.
Increase daily movement! Do something you like, walking, running, cycling, dancing,… so that you’ll keep doing it.
Rest! Sleep! Let your body recover, let it heal.
Find like minded people with whom you can have fun, laugh, feel good.
Do all those things from a place of love!
Do not just do things because you want to avoid an energy drain, no!
That’s again living on the frequency of fear!
Do things because you want an energy boost!
You want to expand your energy,
You want to feel good,
You want your immune system to work at its best!
You want to expand your chi!
Make yourself a priority!
I do not mean this in an egotistical way but in a way that:
you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself.
You know that the only way to be able to handle stuff is when you have the energy for it,
You deserve to live a happy life.
You are the best you when you can be fully YOU.
What are you going to do today to make your energy expand?
Thank you all for reading me!
If you want to learn more about how you can make your energy flowing again: read my book Less is yes! and you’ll find very practical tips to turn your life around!
The answer to all of our troubles, our fatigue, our searching in life
is most often
Do less of what your heart is not supporting.
Be less of what other people want you to be, but not you.
Be less demanding on yourself and others.
Be less judgmental, to yourself and others.
Try less to fit in.
Be less of a pleaser.
In order to
do what you’re passionate about,
be who you actually are, deep down, in your heart,
really enjoy life and see all that is going well,
appreciate and know that you -and others- are enough.
find out, in a natural way, where you belong.
know you don’t have to take yourself out of the picture to be loved.
This is what I am passionate about.
That is why I wrote my book “Less is yes!”
because I want yo to know there is an answer to your searching.
The moment you realize that all this
feeling your energy getting drained,
trying to fit in, to please people, ….
but realizing you never seem to find ‘your’ place,
is wearing you down.
That you are trying and trying,
but it’s never enough.
That is when
you will start eliminating what is eating you up from the inside.
That is when
you will finally realize it’s time to take a close look at how you are living your life.
That is when
you will start ‘purifying’ your life.
That is when
you will start cleaning out what is not ‘yours’, what does not belong to the real, pure you.
What does NOT belong to you?
Too much stuff:
All too often we believe we get ‘valued’ by what we own, by the house we live in, by the car we drive, by the kind of clothes we’re wearing, … But that is the insecurity of other people speaking. That has nothing to do with your ‘value’ as a person.
Too much pretending:
All too often we act in a way in which we hope other people will like us more because of it. We are in a job our parents wanted for us.We frequent parties because that is where we think we need to be seen. We travel to where we think people will be impressed by. We buy presents, we go to restaurants so that people are envious, but it does not make us happy in the end. As long as we seek admiration, confirmation from outside of ourselves, we’ll never feel enough.
Too much ‘busy’-ness:
All too often we think that ‘the busier’ we are, the more we will be appreciated, loved, cheered.
Too much hobbies:
All too often we believe that is what we want to be part of. We believe, mistakenly, that being part of the for-the-moment-hip crowd will make us look better.
I can go on and on …
but it all boils down to this:
The more we drown ourselves in our busy, busy life,
the more exhausted we will feel.
The more we live far from our core being, from who we really are,
the more unhappy we will feel.
The more we live according to outside standards, the more we try to live up to what other people find important,
the further we are from inner peace, from the joy of living as ‘you’.
The more stuff we own, the more we are slaves to our stuff: we need to take care of it, maintain it, insure it, store it, … and this is absorbing all of our energy! And to what purpose: everything is cool until a new fashion comes along, until somebody decides it’s not cool anymore.
We get sick
because we do not listen to our body telling us: this is too much.
We get sick
because we listen to our ego, to our fears and we never feel good enough, so we even try harder, but to no avail.
We get sick
because we let others dictate how our life should look like.
Stop this nonsense.
Stop trying to get other people’s approval.
See who you really are by returning to the essentials.
Get all the clutter out of your house,
Get all the limiting beliefs out of your head.
Listen to your body when it speaks to you.
Know the difference between
what other people fear,
what other people are feeling insecure about,
what your ego is telling you,
what your true value is,
what your heart feels,
what really matters to you,
where you really belong,
what you are passionate about.
Because you will never be happy as long as you are living:
somebody else’s dreams,
somebody else’s life.
according to somebody else’s values.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Strip down your life
to your core being,
to what is important to you,
to what makes your heart expand.
Your reward will be:
You’ll finally appreciate you, yourself,
for what you are,
for what you stand for.
That’s the life I wish for all of you!
It’s the only way to feel liberated!
It’s the only way to be YOU!
A happy, smiling, cheerful, grateful YOU,
who once and for all KNOWS, FEELS, and ACCEPTS:
I AM ENOUGH!
Thank you all for reading me!
If you often feel
as if you’re alone in this world,
as if no one understands you.
If you feel like an outsider,
as if you don’t belong.
Then that’s an invitation to look very closely at the people around you:
Who are they?
Are they like-minded people?
Do they have the same values, dreams?
Do they live a similar lifestyle?
Because once you’ve found your ‘crowd’,
you finally have that feeling of ‘coming home’,
of being where you belong.
That feels so good because
you don’t have to pretend anymore,
you can finally be YOU.
That is what I wish for all of you!
Find your group, your flock, your herd,
whatever you name it,
In order to find your like-minded people,
you first have to know,
Make it very clear:
Who am I?
How do I want to live?
How do I want to relate to people?
How do I see our planet?
As something that is here to serve us or just the other way around:
as our home, as a place in which we have the privilege of living, of enjoying nature and all its beauty.
What are my values?
How do I see health care?
And so on.
Ask yourself all of these questions and be very honest with yourself.
Listen to what your heart says and not what your mind tells you to do.
Your mind tells you what other people taught you, what other people say is how it is supposed to be.
Once you have your own, very clear vision,
keep your focus on living according to that vision,
and you’ll see that like-minded people ‘suddenly appear’,
seemingly out of nowhere.
Where you used to feel weird, not normal, unaccepted,
(because you were frequenting the ’wrong’ crowd),
(once you’ve found the ‘right’ crowd, the crowd where you belong),
you’ll suddenly feel invited to be YOU, just you.
Finding people you belong together with,
is the greatest joy you can find,
that is the missing part you’ve been looking for your whole life.
My invitation to you all this week is:
Clear out all the clutter in your life,
make room for the real you,
get rid of all that does not ‘feel’ like you,
and you’ll get a very clear vision of what you want your life, and the people in it, to look like!
Simplify your life,
say no to all the ‘obligations’ that have nothing to do with how you see the world, with how you want to live your life.
Be very aware of what makes you happy and what not.
Keep in your life what gives you energy,
ditch what depletes you.
Look at all aspects of your life:
clutter in your house,
These are all things that eat up all of your energy without us even realizing it.
In my new book “Less is yes!” I guide you step by step through that process of clearing out
all of the ‘too much’,
all of the ‘draining habits’,
all of the ‘letting other people define how you should be/feel’.
Take back control
of who you are,
of who you want to be,
of your energy.
Feel light again,
feel at home,
Find your group of like-minded people!
I wish you all a joyful reading, the intention and the courage to get rid of your ‘garbage’ and lots and lots of happy energy flowing through your body and mind (again)!!!!
Thank you all for reading me!
author of “Less is yes!”
Book available on
What do you believe?
What do you really believe is possible for you?
Why do some people become what they dream of becoming in their life?
While other people never seem to be able to turn their lives around?
What is it that makes some people seem to be ‘lucky’ in life?
And others seem to get all the bad stuff?
It’s all about what you believe is possible.
What is a belief?
According to the teachings of Abraham (by Esther and Jerry Hicks):
a belief is a thought that you keep thinking.
The more you keep thinking a certain thought,
the more it becomes your belief.
Once you believe something,
you think that is the truth, the reality.
The reality is in fact just a thought somebody thought long enough.
So, you’ll never be able to change your ‘reality’ as long as you keep thinking the same thoughts, as long as you have the same beliefs.
As we now know that a belief is a thought you keep thinking,
you know you’ll have to start thinking different thoughts when you want or see other stuff happening in your life!
When do you know a thought is a thought that is in alignment with who you really are?
When do you know you are thinking about what you really want to be happening in your life?
It gets tricky here as we think we think about what we want,
when actually we are thinking about what we do NOT want in pour life!
For instance, you want to be heard, you want people to take notice of you and all you can think of is:
Will they listen to me this time?
Will they ignore me or not?
Did they hear what I was saying?
You see what is happening?
You want to be heard but your mind is worrying they might not hear you (again).
Your emotions are your guidance.
Feel what is a good thought and what is not.
Feel if it is something you believe from your heart.
When you think something,
or somebody else wants you to ‘believe’ something,
but you feel ‘bad’ about it,
it feels ‘off’,
then you know it is not a thought that is in alignment with your vibrational self.
When you keep thinking that, and believing that,
you’ll never feel good,
because it is not who you are, it is not what you want in life.
Every time you feel good about something,
that is an indicator that you are keeping up with You, your vibrational Self.
It means that this thought is what you dream of, is what you want for yourself, what your heart is telling you about.
You can never get what you want, as long as you keep thinking about what you do not want, as long as you feel bad, as long as you emotional guidance tells you ‘no’.
Is it a bad thing that something feels ‘off’, that you are not feeling happy?
No, it’s an invitation to return to your vibrational self.
An invitation to get back in alignment with who you really are.
You may not always realize you’re thinking about what you do not want,
and that is why you get stuck.
You get stuck when:
you only see, experience what you don’t want in life,
you keep thinking about what you do not want to be happening to you.
You think you ask for what you want but as you are stuck in the negativity of what you do not like,
you keep getting what you do not want….
The Universe gives you more of what vibrates on your frequency.
That is how the Law of Attraction works: you get what you ask for (which is what vibrates on the frequency you are vibrating on).
The Universe does not judge,
it sees the vibration you’re on and it gives you more of the same because the Universe thinks that is what you want.
I hear you screaming and fuming now:
are you kidding me?
did you not hear me?
This is what I do NOT want.
Yes, I hear you,
but that is how ‘reality’, how life works.
You are the creator of your reality.
What you think of, and keep thinking of, becomes your belief.
You vibrate on the frequency of your beliefs.
That is why you have to think, and keep on thinking:
about what you do want, (people being nice to you, a job you like, a healthy lifestyle, more time…)
about what makes you feel good,
about what you want more of in life.
The moment you hear, say, experience something which gives you a negative feeling,
immediately think something positive about that person, situation.
Think about what you do want to experience,
and believe it is possible!
Do not say you believe it and still have that little voice in your head saying:
This will never happen!
No, say it, feel it is good and believe it can happen!
Listen to your inner guidance, to your feelings.
They will tell you what it is you really want in life.
Vibrate on the frequency of what you want, of what feels good.
The more you feel good, the more you’ll ask for more of the same and you’ll be in alignment, you’ll be who you really are.
The more you feel ‘off’, the bigger the contrast with what you really want, the more you need to rid yourself of those thoughts.
It is very important that you not only free yourself of negative thoughts,
you also have to let go of anger, of resistance,
of feeling powerless.
Believing you are worthy, you are able, puts you on the right frequency for getting more of what you want.
You’ll have to be in total absence of negativity, of feeling a victim, of feeling less worthy.
For example, when somebody yells at you and you let it get to you,
you’ll never get what you want.
You’re still feeling powerless.
If you want people to be nice to you, you first have to let go of the negative feelings you have about this person, this situation.
This situation shows you the contrast between what you want and what you do not want.
in being appreciative of Self, of who you really are,
in feeling worthy of respect, of love,
will put you on that frequency where there is no hatred, no blame, no shame, and then your message to the Universe will be clear and it will give you what you do want more of in your life.
As long as you’re doubting,
as long as you think it is not possible to attain what you dream of in life,
as long as you feel yourself unworthy of that achievement in life,
as long as you do not believe it is possible for you to have what you want,
the Universe will not send you the components you need to get what you want.
Be very aware of what you think,
of how your thoughts (or common beliefs) make you feel.
Only in thinking about what you truly want,
in keeping on thinking those thoughts over and over again until they become a belief,
will the Universe give you more of what you need to attain your dream, your personal goal in life.
Where focus goes, energy flows.
This works both ways:
as long as you keep thinking about what you do not want,
the longer you’ll keep getting more of what you do not want.
The more you focus on what you want,
the more you’ll get what it is you desire.
That is how you create the life that you want.
You get what you keep your focus upon.
Be very aware of where your focus goes to.
You are the creator of your life,
of your reality.
Stop blaming others.
You and only you are responsible for how you feel.
I know this sounds harsh.
but give it some thought,
open your mind to the possibilities this creates,
and you’ll realize this is how ‘life’ works.
Train yourself in thinking only positive thoughts,
in thinking only thoughts about what you want to have in life.
See what happens.
Give it time.
It’s like training your physical muscles,
go step by step and built up slowly but steadily.
You can read all about how you train your mental muscles in part 3 of my book ‘Less is yes!’
Thank you all for reading me!
author of “Less is yes!”