Why do we always take things personal?

Why do so quickly feel hurt, attacked, wronged, ….?

Why?

Why do we always think it is about us?

This is actually quite absurd because the funny thing is:

it hardly ever is about us…

We worry,

We fret,

We get angry,

We get upset,

We think about revenge (that’s a real problem solver, isn’t it?!?),

We feel sad,

….

And all the time, we could have avoided those energy drainers.

Just by realizing: it is not about us!

People live their lives,

We don’t always know what is going on in their lives, and even if we do,

we hardly ever know the whole story.

People have their worries, their problems, their thoughts, their emotions.

We interact with them,

and when they (re-)act in a way we did not anticipate:

we immediately get on our high horse because our ego says:

we do not deserve this,

we work so hard and they don’t even appreciate it,

we are nice and they snap,

blablabla…

We create a whole cinema in our head.

We make up a complete story in detail(!)and we keep it running over and over again in our head.

Until we start believing it!

That’s the thing:

our subconscious believes what we keep telling ourselves,

whether it really happened or whether we just imagined it.

And once we believe it, we get even more emotional and we think even more about it and yes, we keep running in that treadmill of our thoughts, emotions, thoughts, emotions, ….

We literally drive ourselves crazy,

And then we wonder why there are conflicts between people.

You have to consciously stop that train of thoughts, they are only thoughts, you can consciously change your own thoughts.

You have to make an effort because it doesn’t come easy.

It’s really worth it though because once you stop thinking those upsetting thoughts, the emotions will attenuate too.

It’s the story in our head that creates all the emotions, so stop the story and you’ll feel the immediate result, you’ll feel your emotions calm down!

You’ll then be able to see that how people act is NOT ABOUT YOU.

People don’t think about you, they have their own life to live.

And even when they do think about you, they forget about it almost instantly.

Have you ever checked your story with the ‘actors’ of that story?

How many times did they mean it as you thought they meant it?

How many times did they not even realize you had an issue with what was said or done until you asked them about it?

I was a master in story making in my head, I could go on all day, or even days, weeks.

At the end you have an Oscar winning film in your head!!

You really do,

And nothing about it is true!

It’s just stuff you made up in your mind, it’s only thoughts.

You do not have to believe everything you think!

That’s the beauty of it.

Change your thoughts and you’ll change your emotions.

Thoughts trigger emotions and emotions make you focus on the subject even more: energy flows where attention goes.

The more you focus on it, the more significant the issue becomes.

That’s why I invite you all to:

Take a step back,

Breathe,

Check your thoughts,

Stop the story telling.

And if something is really bothering you:

Make no story of your own so that there are no excessive emotions.

Talk to the person(s) involved in a calm and rational way.

You’ll notice that you almost always get the situation resolved

with no hard feelings left,

with no lingering anger,

and faster than you would ever have imagined!

Most of the times there was no issue at all.

When there was a hurtful situation, you now know they didn’t mean to hurt you, there was something going on in their life and you just got in the line of fire, so now you can let it go.

Everybody wins!

I really adore the following saying:

“Hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other one will die”

That is so true.

Hate doesn’t solve anything, on the contrary:

it makes you feel sick, it drains you

and the other person -in most cases- not even realizes that there is an issue at hand.

It really is absurd to hate.

My recipe for being happy, for living a good life is:

knowing it is not about us,

talking things through before we get ahead of ourselves,

interacting with respect, sympathy

and having the will to co-exist in a loving, friendly way.

That is what I wish it for you.

Thank you all for reading me.

Katrien

www.lifecoachwomen.be